Hello, Wild Ones ~ Greetings from the 39th week of pregnancy! It feels like a small eternity has passed since I last wrote to you. And indeed, a lot has happened — quietly closing my creativity coaching business, relocating internationally in the third trimester (and the second time in under a year), backing out of a community land purchase and house build in Costa Rica, and changing the trajectory of our lives right in time for our daughter to arrive.

Today, I’m writing from our quintessential suburban home in Santa Cruz, California, where my husband, Jonny, and I have been “rapid nesting” the past six weeks — a whirlwind of unpacking, furniture assembly, Marketplace thrifting, and cooking.

The complexity and upheaval of the last few months rival the fullness and enormity of my belly. Both have been uncomfortable at times, yet fueled by an immense amount of purpose and clarity.

Despite all of it, I have never been happier or more at peace. And I truly have pregnancy to thank for that — even though it fundamentally rocked me. I was vastly unprepared for how it would stretch, challenge, and change me. How it would reshape my marriage, redefine home, and teach me the crucial lesson of advocating for my wants and needs.

Now that I’m in my last few days of pregnancy, I’d like to share my story with you.

~~~

I found out I was pregnant four days after arriving in Costa Rica. I was recovering from COVID and adjusting to a new country, new climate — and suddenly, the biggest news of my life arrived on a tiny pink line (Jonny had already called it a few days before).

My pregnancy started with joy, as I imagine most planned pregnancies do. But it quickly turned challenging and dark when the first trimester symptoms and hormones appeared.

Couch-ridden for about 3 months, I could barely stand upright and keep food down. I’d vomit upwards of 10x per day, probably only keeping about 20% of what I’d eat. When I’d step outside in the heat and humidity of Nosara’s early rainy season, the thick air would cause me to heave. On several dog walks, I’d stop and vomit in the sand or a bush. I eventually got accustomed to walking and vomiting as if it were a normal way to be in the world. While this was pretty terrible, it wasn’t the hardest part.

Compounding the physical symptoms were a confronting wave of psycho-emotional-spiritual experiences that I was not prepared for. For a period of time, I found myself overwhelmed with what I call “NO energy” — no to this pregnancy, no to my marriage, no to the trajectory of my life. Fortunately, I was familiar with this energy and could (usually) hold the perspective that it wasn’t the truth, but old energy ready to be felt through and healed.

Historically, I spent the majority of my life as a ‘No’ to Motherhood. About seven years ago, I realized this ‘No’ wasn’t mine but inherited through an ancestry of women with complex feelings around being mothers. I worked to neutralize the ‘No’ and create space for my own answer to emerge. When Jonny and I got together six years ago, that ‘No’ gradually softened into a mushy ‘Maybe’ and eventually a lukewarm ‘I think so.’ It wasn’t until a couple’s MDMA journey in September 2023 that I felt the full clarity of a ‘YES’ — a yes that would take about another year and a half to stabilize.

When we began our conception journey, I was relaxed and in full trust around it. It only took three months of “conceiving” (I never used the word “trying”) until our daughter was conceived on the Summer Solstice. When looking at that tiny pink line, I genuinely was excited and happy. So when all this ‘No’ energy re-surfaced, I was blindsided.

But a part of me also knew that the remaining ‘No’ gunk inside my psyche and body was coming up to be cleared out. Despite it being incredibly confronting, confusing, and painful, it was better to happen now than to bring my daughter into the world with that energy still present. This meant looking at all the places in my life where I wasn’t fully in consent or at peace — the regrets, grievances, heartbreaks, and missteps.

I nicknamed first trimester “the Dark Night of Pregnancy.”

The inner work began in earnest.

I began working with a midwife-turned-somatic-coach who knew how to meet me in this muck as a mother of three. I’d go on to work with her throughout my whole pregnancy, which was absolutely life-giving.

As I investigated my ‘No’ parts, I ran into a story that I’d been telling myself: that in order to be a Mother, the Maiden had to die. And my Inner Maiden wasn’t going down without a fight.

One of my dearest friends and a somatic practitioner, Rachel, was visiting the same town in Costa Rica and guided me through a Maiden-to-Mother Ceremony. Using meditation, journaling, and parts work, I made contact with my Inner Maiden and saw how scared she was that her life was being forced to end. But as I welcomed my Inner Mother in, I saw there was room for both of them. In fact, there was room for three.

I saw three thrones. One for Maiden, one for Mother, one for Crone. The Maiden’s shifted ever so slightly back — not removed, just repositioned — as Mother took her place at the center. Mother turned to Maiden and held her in unconditional love and impenetrable patience. Maiden softened. Exhaled. She didn’t need to run the show anymore. Her fire, her adventurous spirit, her playfulness — even her recklessness — could stay. Just channeled now through something, or someone, wiser.

When my Inner Maiden understood she wasn’t being killed off, but rather re-employed, my whole system settled.

The darkness of the first trimester began to lift right on schedule around week 12. Gradually, the vomiting and weakness subsided. My everyday experience became one of ‘Yes’ — yes to this baby, this partnership, this life.

A yes so deep and steady that I’ve come to believe part of pregnancy’s job is to reveal everywhere inside a woman where she is still in resistance to her life, so that she doesn’t pass it on to her child and can be fully engaged with everything Motherhood will ask of her.

And when people say “parenthood is an initiation,” I’d go further. Pregnancy itself is the initiation. Especially for those of us who come from familial lines where pregnancy, birth, marriage, children, and motherhood are complicated, loaded topics.

As the second trimester arrived and my body felt steadier, a new kind of discomfort began to surface. Something about our relocation to Costa Rica wasn’t sitting right. While I was able to brush it off as “humidity is hard on pregnant bodies” during the first trimester, I felt increasingly dysregulated, and unlike myself the longer we were there.

Jonny and I were both in the inquiry, and neither of us was certain if we should stay or go. We had invested a significant amount into a parcel of land and were intending to build a custom home as part of a 9-family community. Our children would grow up barefoot on a warm beach alongside a vibrant community of other jungle kids. Despite my knowing that ‘raising kids in community’ is the most natural way to do family, I wasn’t sure if this was the version of that which suited us best.

There was a battle between my head and my soma. My head kept building a compelling case for staying — the community, the investment, the chance at living on land with other people. Yet my body was quietly, persistently signaling discomfort — with the climate, the remoteness, the distance from friends and family, and a version of expat life that felt inauthentic to me.

It wasn’t until a visit back to California in November that the clarity fully arrived. We returned to see friends and family and stock up on postpartum and baby gear. On our second day outside of Los Angeles, I went for my first proper hike of the whole pregnancy. Hiking is one of my favorite outdoor activities, and it didn’t really exist for me in the flat, coastal surf town of Nosara.

While wandering up Red Rock Canyon in Topanga, I came across a labyrinth. I stepped into that labyrinth with a prayer for clarity and a desire to feel aligned in my life. By the time I stepped out of it, I was in tears. Tears because it felt so good to be outside at 10 am under the rising sun, with a dry, cool breeze stroking my skin, desert sage filling my senses, and a deep embodied sense that “I belong here.”

Despite its complexities, I belong to this country, to the American West, to California. This is where I was born, it’s where my body feels at ease, and all I wanted was to return home.

When I got back to our Airbnb, I was glowing and full of vibrancy. Jonny looked at me and said, “There you are!” I joked that I felt like a 9 out of 10 Kelly. Only to contrast that with the way I’d been feeling in Costa Rica…as a 3 out of 10 Kelly. Those six points of difference would change everything.

Over the coming week, we decided that no life plan was worth seeing through if it meant one of us was only a fraction of ourselves. In this family, we all come alive and feel aligned with our life (we even go to great lengths to ensure our dog feels this way). So we decided to stop the home build and back out of the plan.

Months were spent wrestling with a decision my body had known from the get-go. I kept blaming my dysregulation on pregnancy — the heat, the hormones, the exhaustion.

But pregnancy wasn’t the problem. It was the messenger. It had been trying to reveal something to me all along.

~~~

Nearing third trimester, my body achy with pubic symphysis disorder, a screaming SI joint, and a decreasing capacity for good sleep, I was confronted with the next layer of this lesson. Do we leave Costa Rica before birth or after? A question that had immense logistical consequences no matter what choice was made. But logistics aside, it really came down to whether I was being honest with myself.

I kept telling myself and others that we needed to stay in Costa Rica because the birth plan was already in place. We had prepaid for six months of lodging, and it would be too expensive to back out. And despite saying this and believing it, I was constantly complaining about it. Every few days, I’d break down in tears, saying, “This isn’t the birth vision I would ever want for myself.” For context, the Costa Rica birth plan was to relocate to the capital of San Jose, live in an Airbnb for six weeks, hopefully give birth during that window with the support of a midwife I felt reasonably good about, then relocate four hours away to live at a retreat center for ~2 months.

The more I felt into all of it, the more I didn’t like it. Nothing about the plan felt stable, and it didn’t allow for any degree of nesting — we’d be essentially birthing like the digital nomads we’d been for the early chapter of our partnership.

And yet I couldn’t say it out loud.

In our couples coaching session — with an amazing woman who has held Jonny and me for five years — I found myself completely tongue-tied. We had all the context. She knew our history, our patterns, our capacity for honest conversation. And still, I sat there struggling to form the most basic sentence.

I want to go home…now.

Five words. And I could barely get them out.

Because underneath the logistics — the sunk costs, the prepaid lodging, the birth plan already set in motion — was something far more vulnerable. A belief I hadn’t fully examined: that my wants weren’t reason enough. That I needed a practical justification, a financial case, an airtight argument before I was allowed to say this isn’t right for me.

Pregnancy had been dismantling this story for months. And here it was again, asking for an immediate decision.

When I finally said the words, my nervous system let go, and uncontrollable tears streamed down my face. How terrifying and liberating it was to just say what I want — without logical justification, just for truth’s sake.

And then, almost anticlimactically, the logistics fell into place. The biggest hangup had been the cost of our lodging for the first six months of 2026. After reaching out to our hosts and explaining our change of plans, we got 85% of our money back. We also recovered 100% of the land purchase. We did “lose” some on the architecture fees, but I comfortably placed that in the “Lifestyle R&D” budget and never looked back.

We flew home in January. 32 weeks pregnant with an excessive amount of luggage (I magically had $600 in oversized luggage fees waived), and a very patient dog.

I found us a rental, secured the birth team, and hired contractor after contractor to help us with the immense amount of move-in tasks (since I could no longer lift, bend over, or do anything physically demanding).

That whirlwind of unpacking, furniture assembly, Marketplace thrifting, and cooking I mentioned at the beginning? Every curtain hung, every drawer organized with mine or baby’s clothes, every postpartum meal prepped, frozen, and tagged in our own kitchen. It became exactly the medicine my body had been aching for all along.

Turns out, all I’ve ever really wanted is a house we can unpack into and a town we can call our home. We now know our nomading chapter is done.

It is time to grow roots.

And now I am writing this from that home, cozy on the first real couch we’ve ever owned, 39 weeks pregnant, golden retriever sleeping soundly next to me, Northern California birds chirping through an open window, a cool temp that encourages cozy socks and a sweater — days, maybe weeks, from the moment everything changes.

An initiated woman, ready for Motherhood, in-tune with my inner compass like never before.

Pregnancy asked me to clear out what was inherited, trust what my body knew, and say out loud what I actually wanted. I didn’t do any of it perfectly or quickly. But I did eventually do it within the biological timeline that pregnancy gifts us — 40ish weeks to get our inner and outer worlds in order.

And because I did, our daughter will be born into a family, a home, and a life that is congruent inside and out. We are a cohesive team — perfectly content with this exact moment, exactly as it is. A full “YES” to all of it.

And that is the greatest, unexpected gift of pregnancy.

Next up, the greatest, expected gift of looking into our daughter’s eyes.

Natalia set out to write her first book while also preparing to run one of the most extreme races on the planet: seven marathons in seven days on seven continents. What unfolded was more than a book or a race. It was a reminder of what happens when we answer the spark inside and let it carry us somewhere new.

I hope her story inspires you to set your own inspiring challenge—whether creative or physical—and to go for it.

With wild love ~ Kelly ✨

Natalia’s Creative Inner Race

When Natalia and I first met in January 2025, she had already committed to one of the most extreme endurance challenges in the world: The Great World Race — seven marathons, seven days, seven continents (taking place November 2025). That decision alone told me something about her spirit: she wasn’t afraid of big, audacious goals.

Which is why I was so excited to work with her when she decided to write and publish a book in under two months.

Like the Great World Race, though, she knew that writing a book wasn’t just a challenge of simply writing words (or putting in the miles). She knew it was the terrain inside that would be the true challenge.

The day after we met, the phrase The Inner Race landed in her journal, and she knew she was committed to the biggest creative project of her life. The title was more than an idea; it was an explosion of recognition.

“It was like this big, bright light of possibility… I never deviated from that moment of inspiration, because it felt like the inner race really encapsulated the process of personal growth I was going through.”

From the start, she poured pages out of herself: years of notes scribbled mid-run, reflections carried quietly in her body. “It was the longest journal entry of my whole life,” she laughed. “I just got everything out without judgment. And then once that part was done…it got hard.”

That’s when our work together became really powerful.

Writing a book is its own kind of marathon. There are days of euphoria when the words pour through you, and there are days when nothing comes at all. Natalia faced both, and together we created practices that helped her keep going. Her “floor goal” was simple: show up every day, even if all she could do was stare at the screen. In our sessions, we balanced book strategy with somatic inquiry: meeting the younger parts of her that didn’t feel safe to share her voice and strengthening the steady, confident parts that knew she was ready for this.

By continuing to show up to the page and every emotional experience along the way, she began to discover her own rhythm as a writer. She began to trust her voice, her message, and her wisdom.

“Writing a book is a roller coaster ride… I didn’t realize all the blocks that were holding me back from communication, from sharing my voice, from standing up for myself, from taking risks. And then realizing, I’m okay. This is awesome. Now I want more. How else can I grow? What else can I learn?”

The deeper she went, the more the book apprenticed her to its own teachings. She was writing about setting inspiring challenges and about staying with the process when inspiration fades.

As a devoted mother of two, her family was always in the background, shaping her discipline and her why. She woke at 4:30 a.m. to write between five and seven, protecting her family time while carving space for her dream. Her teenagers eventually joined the journey, weighing in on fonts for the cover and cheering her on. They listened as she read aloud the final chapter with tears streaming down her face before pressing “send to print.”

“I just want my kids to dream big and chase their dreams,” she told me. “To know that anything is possible at the end of the day, if you’re doing it for the right reasons and find the people to support you.”

What strikes me most is how the two races fused into one. Training for the Great World Race taught her steadiness, endurance, and the ability to methodically prepare for immense physical challenge.

Writing The Inner Race taught her the same, except the muscles were her voice, her confidence, her willingness to stand fully in who she is, and keep showing up to the process.

“It doesn’t always feel good to run,” she said. “It feels good to cross the finish line. It feels good when you’re having a good day. But you have to push through the miles that are uphill, when your legs hurt, your lungs hurt. Writing was the same. The peaks were awesome, but the troughs were really hard. There were a lot of tears.”

By the time Natalia held her finished book in her hands (about 3.5 months after starting), she was no longer just someone with a dream. She had become an author, a leader, a woman who bet on herself and kept showing up.

Natalia embodies the essence of what I believe creativity is for: not just the act of making something, but the transformation that happens inside you as you make it. A process I call Project-Based Transformation.

“I really believe everybody should write a book… the power and possibility of personal growth that comes from creating something changes you in ways that are so amazing.”

And she knows this is just the beginning. “The moment you decide to bet on yourself is powerful,” she told me. “Just that moment changed my life. The race hasn’t even started yet, and I’m already a completely different person.”

That is the true essence of The Inner Race: the finish line is never the end. It’s the courage to step forward, to keep listening to the spark, to let your growth light the way for others.

Natalia continues to embody this as she shares her book with the world, giving inspiring talks, spreading her message, and preparing for the Great World Race just months away. It is an extraordinary transformation from where she stood at the start of the year, holding little more than an idea and the passion to bring it to life.

Natalia’s Prismara Portrait

Working with Natalia was an absolute dream for me. As a Creative Embodiment Coach, it feels so good to support someone who is ready to bolt out the door to express their ideas. While Natalia faced many of the same internal hurdles that I’ve encountered on my own creative path (and that most people I work with experience too), what set her apart was her remarkable sense of agency. When Natalia wants something, she makes it happen.

And something I keep coming back to is this: creativity is agency. To create, whether it’s a book or a major life change, is to show up fully for life and to become the author of your own story.

As a woman preparing to run one of the most challenging races on the planet, I knew her ambitious book publishing goal was within her reach. But what I witnessed in our work together went beyond completing a manuscript. I saw her blossom into the next chapter of herself, expanding her impact, her confidence, and her leadership.

That is what inspired me to create a short film about her journey.

This Prismara Portrait (video at the top) is the very first storytelling project within the Prismara ecosystem, and it was such a joy to create. With a tiny but mighty team of two videographers (thank you, Alejandro and Brandon) and morning alarms set for 4 a.m., we followed Natalia through a day in her life: writing at Pete’s Coffee before sunrise, running a nearby trail, breakfast with her family, meditation and journaling, and being in community with those who know her best.

A heartfelt thank you to Tucker Walsh, our incredible editor, for bringing her story to life.

I am thrilled to share this co-creation with you and I hope Natalia’s story encourages you to set and accomplish your own inspiring challenge 💗

Follow Natalia’s Journey

Natalia’s story is still unfolding. This November, she will step onto the starting line of The Great World Race — seven marathons, seven days, seven continents — carrying the same courage and grit that brought The Inner Race to life.

Her mission is to help women navigating midlife reconnect to their inner spark through the pursuit of an inspiring challenge.

• 📖 Read her book: The Inner Race — available on Amazon (Kindle & Paperback).

• 🏃‍♀️ Follow Natalia’s Journey and the Great World Race: Track Natalia’s training and global adventure on Instagram.

• 🌍 Sponsorships & Partnerships: Natalia is opening select sponsorship opportunities to align with her journey. To learn more or explore partnership, reach out on her website.

By supporting Natalia, you’re not only cheering on one woman’s dream, you’re helping fuel a movement of courage, growth, and possibility for everyone standing at the edge of their own inner race.

If her journey inspires you, please consider sharing this post 🙏

At the start of this year, Jonny and I sketched a new vision for our lives:

• Move to Costa Rica 🌴

• Build a home within a community 🏡

• Grow our family 👶

The clarity came just as we were about to open our “conception portal” while vacationing in Costa Rica in January. It dawned on me that I wanted to raise children within a village-like environment— as much as that’s possible these days. Days after this lightbulb moment, we toured the land that we’re now the proud stewards of in Nosara, Costa Rica, where we are beginning to design a house and prepare to live within walking distance to ~9 other couples and families.

In early July, we officially relocated — golden retriever in tow, luggage maxed out, and carrying a whole mix of emotions: excitement, wonder, fear, and overwhelm. To name a few.

Then, four days after arriving, I found out I was pregnant with our first baby (surprise!). I’m 10.5 weeks along now, which means my body is deep in the quiet-yet-intense work of building a human, a placenta, and navigating the psycho-spiritual-emotional rollercoaster of this identity shift (this is no joke, y’all). Add in the heat, humidity, and the stress of moving our lives across borders, and… well, it’s been a lot.

The dream is happening. And for this, I am so grateful.

But dreams don’t always arrive wrapped in ease. They often ask us to expand beyond what feels comfortable. To stretch our bodies, our emotions, and our nervous systems into new territory. And while that expansion is beautiful, it can also feel tender and overwhelming when trying to hold it all at once. At least for me.

Relocating countries and navigating pregnancy have each been tender enough on their own, but layered together, they’ve left me with far less capacity than I’m used to. I keep reminding myself: even one of these transitions would be a lot.

Breathe, relax, exhale.

These days, I’m learning how to let my body lead more than ever, how to rest without guilt, and how to trust that things are rooting into place in their own time. Oh, and how to ask for help. Lots and lots of help.

Since I last emailed, life has been full. This is why it’s been quiet here at Wild on Purpose. To be honest, I’ve been in more survival and logistics beast mode than creative flow. Before our move, our schedule was so packed that all my energy went toward staying present, running Prismara (which is going really well, btw), and keeping on top of many moving pieces. After the move, my calendar finally cleared— but my focus has shifted to keeping food and stress hormones down with little capacity for much else.

From logistics queen to nap queen, I have been humbled

And yet, I trust this season is doing its quiet work on me. Just as I’m growing new life, I am being re-created in the process. I am watching as old dreams become compost for this new future, as grief and regret alchemize into clarity for how I want to mother, and how overwhelm paves the way toward building support systems.

I know my creativity, energy, and spark will return, just as they always do.

For now, my work is to root into this transition, let my body lead, and keep finding little pockets of relief in the midst of it all.

I’ll be sharing more soon— both about this unfolding chapter of life and about the work that continues to inspire me. Thank you for being here with me through the quiet stretches and the liminal spaces.

For now, I’m excited to share two interviews from two amazing friends and mentors on many things creativity— from the more spiritual and soulful lens of it, to the pragmatic, project side of things. Enjoy! ✨

Creativity, Soul, and Finding Ourselves

How Embodied Authenticity Guides Us to Our Place in the World

Podcast Interview with of — I always love conversations with Brooks, and this one wandered into wild and meandering places I didn’t expect. If you’re walking the adventurous path of authenticity or creating from soul, this episode is for you 💛

🎧 Listen here on Substack or 🎥 watch the video below.

When You Can’t Create Anymore

A live interview with Tiago Forte, creator of Building a Second Brain, on cyclical creativity, my annual review process, and the connection between our nervous system and our ability to create well.

Tiago is an exceptional interviewer and prolific creator, so it was an honor to be able to share my perspectives with him. This was also my first IRL interview, and it felt so good to be in the same room with the other person.

The doors to Prismara are open until this Friday, April 11.

Prismara is a 6-month creative mastermind and mentorship circle for people who want to bring an authentic project—whether it’s a book, business, modality, offering, podcast, or something not yet fully formed—into the world with clarity, embodiment, and support.

It’s for creators, coaches, practitioners, and leaders in a season of creative becoming.

Together, we work with the creative process, nervous system and emotional resilience, shadow work, intuition, somatics, and energetic alignment—so that your work can emerge in a way that is both deeply true and sustainably held.

This is about becoming the kind of person who can bring your soul’s work into form, not just once, but again and again.

We begin Wednesday, April 16. Only a few spots remain.

Explore the Prismara Circle

I’m tired.
And honestly? I’m a little nervous to share that.

I’ve been launching Prismara for nearly seven weeks now, while also preparing to lead two retreats (amongst a whole slew of other life things).
One of them—The Foundations Retreat—is now open, and is going to be amazing.

This weekend, I tried to refill my cup the way I usually do—
I paddleboarded on the sea.
Hiked through the redwoods.
Dropped into a long, nourishing NSDR practice.
I reached for the places that so often bring me back to myself.

And even still—my body is asking for less.

Less screentime. Less pressure.

So I take calls lying on the balcony, letting the sun warm my skin.
I reschedule things. Cancel things.
I come back to the essential.

And I ask myself:
How do I keep showing up when I’m not lit up?
How do I keep building something beautiful when the spark has gone quiet, and the only thing left is the practice?

And I know I’m not alone in this.
Your life is full too—beautiful and demanding.
And maybe, like me, you’re tired of being told to do more.
I’m not here to ask you to push harder.
I’m here to ask: What if you only did what mattered?
What if your energy was spent in service of your soul’s yes—not everything, but the right things?

To whittle away at the parts of your life that don’t feel true.
To sculpt your calendar until it holds only what is yours to hold.
To let your days be filled with an overwhelming yes—not because every task is thrilling, but because every task belongs.

Not everything will feel like a full-body yes in every moment.
There will be days you’d rather step away from all of it.
But that doesn’t mean you’re off track.
It means the work is maturing.
And so are you.

At the beginning of any project, there’s a spark.
A surge of inspiration.
That magnetic pull that says, this is the thing.

And then—inevitably—comes the shift.

The electricity fades. The resistance creeps in.
And the voice arrives: Maybe I’ve lost it. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe I don’t have the energy for this after all.

I used to believe that voice.
I thought something was broken—either in me or in the work.
I only knew how to keep going when I felt on fire.
And because of that, too many beautiful projects were abandoned—not because they weren’t worthy,
but because I didn’t yet know how to stay.

Marriage has taught me another way of seeing.
I’ve been married for three years now—to one man, for life.
Do I wake up every day with the same wide-eyed awe I felt at the beginning?
Of course not.
Neither do you.

We show up.
We grow.
We learn how to commit—by staying committed.
And we recommit, again and again.

David Whyte calls it the three marriages—
To self. To other. To work.

So I’ll ask you:
Are you married to your work?
Not the job.
The soul of it. The gift only you can give.

Because being in that kind of partnership with your work means learning to stay when it’s hard.
When it’s quiet. When it’s inconvenient.
When the honeymoon is over and the calendar is full and the body is tired.
You stay anyway.

Because that’s when the fuel source changes.
Inspiration brought you here.
But devotion is what carries you forward.

Like yoga—you return to the mat.
Like meditation—you sit on the cushion.
Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
You take your place.
You remember who you are.

Inspiration may carry us into the work,
but it’s devotion that allows us to stay.
The spark will come and go.
What matters is our willingness to return—
to keep choosing it, even when the glow dims,
even when it asks more from us than we expected.

Even when it’s the final week of a launch,
and you’re thrilled to welcome new people in,
and also…are very ready for a long nap.

And through it all, we learn to honor our rhythms.
I’m reaching the edge of mine.
I may not be able to show up in this final week with the same passionate tenacity I had at the start—and I welcome that too.
I welcome myself, just as I am.
And I welcome my goals, just as they are.

Will I reach them? Maybe.
That’s not actually the point.

I’m deeply proud of how far Prismara and I have come.
And regardless of the final metrics, I’m proud of my commitment.
Because this time, I didn’t run at the first sign of pressure or doubt.
I didn’t collapse under the weight of the stretch.
I met it.
I leaned in.
I received it—not as a problem to solve, but as a gift to grow with.

There is no inner fight.
There is only recalibration.
Tenacity gives way to gentler forward motion.
The flame dims, but the embers are steady.

You’ve probably heard the advice: follow your joy, follow your inspiration.
And yes—I believe in that. I really do.
I mean, I practically preach it.
But sometimes joy isn’t exuberance.
It’s a quieter thing.

For me, showing up for my work—even in the smallest ways—brings a calm joy.
A soft relief.
The sweetness of integrity.

It’s not always electric. But it is real.
And that’s the kind of joy I follow now.
Not the spike. Not the rush.
But the knowing: I’m walking toward what matters.

That’s what we practice inside Prismara.

A space for vision and capacity.
For clarity and nervous system care.
For the sacred rhythm of inspiration, devotion, rest, and return.

If you’ve been hovering, circling, wondering if there’s a space for your creative self to be held this deeply—
I want you to know: there is.

We begin Wednesday, April 16.
Doors close this Friday.
Only a few spots remain.

If your body knows this is for you,
I would be honored to walk this path with you.

And wherever you find yourself in your own commitment to your work—
whether you’re just beginning, returning after a pause, or staying through the stretch—
may you keep returning to what matters.
Even when the spark is just a subtle ember.

Wherever you are on your creative path—
I honor the courage it takes to keep showing up.

Learn More about the Prismara Circle & Apply Today

With love,
Kelly

PS: The Foundations Retreat is also open. This 4-day retreat and training will equip you with foundational tools in FBR Breathwork and Somatic Parts Work to support your ongoing healing and at-home transformation practice.

Led by myself, Jonny Miller, and Ian Stratton—and supported by seven additional co-facilitators—you’ll be deeply held as you do meaningful inner work, expand your toolkit, and cultivate an embodied sense of creative aliveness.

We’ll gather in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains, June 25–29. Learn more & apply.

And if your heart wants to feel the experience before you decide, you’re warmly invited to our final experiential info session this Friday.

Doors close April 11, and the Circle begins shortly thereafter.

With love, Kelly ✨

Who Am I to Do This?

My answer to the question that stops us before we even begin.

Who am I to write the book?
To share the story?
To lead the gathering?
To build the thing I can barely admit I’m dreaming of?

Who am I to be visible?
To be powerful?
To be heard?

Who am I to do this?

We ask it like it’s rhetorical.
Like it’s a question with shame baked in.
Like it’s evidence that we should shrink.

But what if that question is holy?

What if “Who am I to do this?”
isn’t an accusation—
but an invitation?

An opening into awe.

Because when you ask that question,
you’re standing at the edge of something sacred.
You’re standing at the edge of becoming.

And here’s the truth I want you to sit with, breathe into, and believe:

You are the one.

You are the one with the idea.
The one holding the vision.
The one dreaming of a more beautiful world—because something in you remembers it.

You are the host of this inspiration.
You didn’t choose it.
It chose you.

Not by mistake.
Not by accident.
But by resonance.

Because only you can tell it in your voice,
with your timing,
through your story,
in the shape that only your life has carved.

You are not unqualified.
You are uniquely called.

Through the ache you’ve lived.
The fears you’ve faced.
The resilience you’ve built quietly, behind the scenes, when no one was clapping.

You have earned this inspiration.
It didn’t arrive at random.
It’s the natural response to everything you’ve become.

You ask “Who am I to do this?”
Here’s my answer:

You are a glimmer of God.
A spark of the Sun.
An extension of Source Energy.
A shimmering thread in the sacred weave of all life.

You are one of billions—
and still, irreplaceable.

So maybe “Who am I to do this?”
isn’t the right question.

Maybe it’s:
What will happen if I don’t?
What beauty will remain unborn if I keep waiting?
What healing stays trapped when I stay silent?

Let your voice be a prayer.
Let your work be an altar.
Let your presence be enough.

You don’t need to prove anything.
You just need to become the one who says yes.

Yes to the inspiration.
Yes to the fear.
Yes to the next step—however small.

And then—
Something begins to move.

Not everything shifts overnight.
The doubt doesn’t vanish.
The fear doesn’t disappear.

But you change.
Because you stayed.
Because you trusted.
Because you said yes, even when it trembled in your throat.

You said yes to the process,
not just the outcome.

You stopped trying to get it right.
You started trying to feel what was true.

You let your body speak.
You let your voice quiver and still rise.
You let your spirit lead, even without a map.

And slowly, something inside you starts to take root.

You begin to notice:
The idea that won’t let go.
The sentence that makes your chest ache with recognition.
The stranger who tells you, “I needed this.”

You realize—
You’re not just creating a thing.
You’re creating a Self.
You’re weaving a new way of being into the fabric of your days.

This isn’t about building something perfect.
It’s about building something true.

You begin to walk differently.
Speak differently.
See differently.

Because when you say yes to your becoming,
your life starts becoming, too.

So if you're here—
standing on the threshold of your own yes,
heart pounding, unsure, alive—

Stay with it.

Not because it’s easy.
But because it matters.

You asked, Who am I to do this?

And now you know.

You are the one.
Not despite your story—
But because of it.

Say yes.
And become.

Tomorrow, nearly 100 creatives are gathering to explore the voices within—the one that doubts, and the one that empowers—in a somatic, parts-work inspired writing experience. Join me and the team for an hour of meaningful discovery in Rewriting the Inner Dialogue, designed to unlock deeper expression, whether or not you identify as a writer.

It’s time I reveal more of what drives me.
What sparked the birth of Prismara.
What burns at the heart of my work.

This is the flame I hold for the world.
The vision I carry for collective healing.
And it begins with you.
It begins with us.

We are living in a time that calls for sacred rebels—
Those who sense they’re here to build what’s never existed.
Those who refuse to silence their soul.
Those who know, deep in their bones, they’re here to lead differently.

We need creators who aren’t here just to produce—
But to awaken.
Leaders who don’t push transformation, but transmit it—
Through presence, through truth, through frequency.

When we deny that inner calling—
When we suppress inspiration in favor of safety or social acceptance—
We fall into patterns of quiet resignation.

We shrink.
We settle.
We pass down powerlessness, one unspoken belief at a time.

It travels silently—through the dreams we defer, the truths we don’t name, the edges we smooth to stay safe.
We model self-abandonment as normal.
We teach our children—without words—how to play small, how to doubt their own fire, how to trade authenticity for approval.

And so the cycle continues.

This inherited resignation has shaped our systems:
- Education that flattens individuality.
- Healthcare that medicates disconnection.
- Media that feeds on fear and scarcity.

But when you reclaim your inspiration,
You reclaim your agency.

You become an active player in this game called Life.

You step outside the script.
You dismantle what no longer fits.
You begin the wild work of liberation—
One brave choice at a time.

And those choices don’t just change your life—
they change the lives of everyone around you.

Because the ones who create from alignment are the ones who shift consciousness.
Who raise conscious children—teaching them to trust their intuition, speak their truth, and honor their wholeness.
Who love with their full hearts, even when it’s inconvenient.
Who live in right relationship with the Earth—tending, not extracting.
Who build communities rooted in care, truth, and integrity.
Who hold boundaries born of love—not fear or defense.

This is how change happens.
Not just through loud revolutions, but through quiet coherence.
One embodied creator at a time.

The sacred rebel knows this path intimately.
They reject the grind of performative perfection.
They refuse to contort into polished brands that cost them their truth. And more importantly, they refuse to sell their life and their aliveness to the highest bidder.

Instead, they choose a different way—
One that honors their rhythm.
Amplifies their voice.
Places soul—not strategy—at the center.

Because the project?
It’s never just the book.
It’s not just the offering, or the business, or the brand.

It’s the becoming.
It’s who you must become to birth something real. Something that boldly expresses the essence of who you truly are.

I didn’t always know this.

There was a time—not so long ago—
When I was buried beneath shame, self-doubt, and disconnection.
When I questioned if I had anything like a ‘purpose’ and why the hell I was even here.

I drifted through jobs that drained my spirit.
Stayed silent in spaces that shrunk my voice.
Even when I “broke free,” I rebuilt the same cages—
Polished offerings that looked good but didn’t feel true.

Nothing landed.
Because I wasn’t anchored.
I wasn’t alive.

Until something deep in my chest—
A quiet, ancient knowing—rose up and said:
There’s more. And it’s yours to claim.

So I began to listen.
I followed the flickers of aliveness.
I let go of what wasn’t really mine.

I made space for something wilder.
Truer.
Braver.

And then—I got to work.

Not hustle.
Holy work.
The kind where the soul leads,
And the mind—finally—follows.

That’s when everything began to shift.

Because once I gave myself permission to become who I truly am,
The path beneath me solidified.
It became mine.

That path became Prismara.

Prismara is where these two forces meet—
our light and our lessons.
Our truth and our transformation.
It is the integration of all that we are.

It’s not a productivity engine.
Not a creativity workshop.
But a sacred container for transformation.

A six-month rite of passage.
A space where desire meets discipline,
And voice meets vision.

A place to return to your essence—
Whether through a book, a body of work, a modality, or a message—
It’s where the many brilliant parts of you weave together into an exquisite offering.
Something that elevates consciousness, both in the sacred act of its creation
and through its existence.

Because the truth is,
We don’t heal by producing more.
We heal by coming back into alignment.

I’ve walked this path.
I’ve fought for it.
Ached inside it.
Healed within it.

And I’ve watched it awaken the most luminous, soul-led creators I know.

Because when you stop waiting—
For the right time,
The right credentials,
The external green light—
Something sacred opens.

When you stop outsourcing your creativity to capitalism, fear, and approval—
Something sacred opens.

You hear your real voice.
You remember your power.
You glimpse the life that was always yours—
And finally, you choose to walk toward it.

This is my invitation.
To the sacred rebels.
The weavers of energy.
The creators of love.

Bring your healing.
Your essence.
Your voice.

Come alive through your work—not drained by it.
Grow through your creations—not in spite of them.
Remember who you are—
And become who you were always meant to be.

Because the world doesn’t need more consumption.
It needs coherence.
Beauty.
Truth.
Soul.

It needs you.

Wild. Awake.
Rooted. Expressed.

This is the path.
This is the portal.
This is Prismara.

It's time to create a more beautiful world. Together.
It starts here.
It starts now.
It starts with us.

And we start soon.

If your heart feels called, join us this Friday 4/4 for our final experiential info session—an intimate space to explore Prismara firsthand and feel whether it's meant for you.

Applications now close April 11.
Only a few spots remain.
If you’re ready to explore what’s possible, apply today, and let’s begin the conversation.

Your body will know.
Your soul will feel it.
Trust the resonance.

With wild love ✨

~ Kelly

This is a love letter to those who believe they need more time, less chaos, or a quieter calendar before saying yes to their dreams.
To those holding their breath for life to get easier before they begin.

But what if this—right here—is the moment?

Join me tomorrow for a free experiential Prismara session—a space to reconnect with your creative aliveness and feel into whether Prismara is the container you’ve been searching for.

Come to be stirred. Come to remember. Come to find out if this is for you.

Let me tell you about Tuesday.

I spent three hours in a dental chair, inhaling nitrous oxide while two separate procedures took place in my mouth. My face was numb. My body floating. Noise cancelling headphones playing psychedelic journey music. And in that strange, giddy space—somewhere between pressure and pleasure—I had an incredibly lucid realization:

Our perceived limitations around creating are exactly that—perceived.
They are stories.
Neural grooves.
Protective veils masquerading as truth.

“I don’t have time.”
“It’s not the right season.”
“I need to be more healed.”
“I should wait until things calm down.”

Sound familiar? We all have our version of someday.

But here’s what I know: Someday is a myth.

And what’s more—our lives are not obstacles to our creativity. They are the very soil it’s meant to grow in.

I’ve had people ask me, “But how can I start a project when life is so full? I’m moving. I have kids. I’m going through a breakup. I’m getting married. My in-laws are visiting.”

And I get it. Life is… a lot.

But also? This is life. The real one. The one with dentist appointments, dog walks and deadlines. The one with heartbreak, groceries, rainy days, healing and becoming. And if we keep waiting for a moment when everything is “clear,” we’ll wait forever.

We don’t need to escape our lives to create.
We need to bring our creativity into them.

Right now, my life is the fullest it’s ever been.
I’m launching a major program. Coordinating two big retreats. Supporting clients. Writing. Running a business.
I’m also preparing to move to Costa Rica and design a home, and—big one—calling in our first child.

It is my hope—my actual intention—to become pregnant during the six-month Prismara cohort.

And yes, the timing is wild.
I’m stepping into the deepest creative leadership of my life at the exact same time as preparing to welcome a child into it.

That feels both absurd and sacred.
Deeply inconvenient… and undeniably aligned.
Not because it’s clean or easy or ideal—but because it’s real.
Because this is the season life handed me. And I trust it. I’ve learned to always trust my inspiration.

I’m not waiting for a more convenient moment.
I’m saying yes to all of it as it arises in my life.

Because soul-aligned creation doesn’t follow a perfect timeline.
It asks you to stretch into your own becoming.

So what do I do?

I stretch. Literally.

Every morning, I practice holding more.
I stretch my arms out as far as they’ll go and breathe into the possibility of it all.
I expand my body. My capacity. My belief in what’s possible.

Because all of it wants to happen now.

And so I let it. I say yes.
Not just to one dream. But to all of them.

Because sometimes everything you’ve been asking for arrives all within a short window of time. Your job isn’t to micro-manage that.
It’s to expand enough to hold it.

That’s what I’ve built Prismara to hold.
Not perfect lives. But real ones.

Lives in motion. Lives becoming. Lives with big dreams and big feelings and very real limitations. It’s a container for authenticity, for full-spectrum selfhood, for creativity as an embodied path of transformation. For learning how to expand your capacity to hold that big, mountainous vision of your life and your work.

Prismara doesn’t ask you to pause your life.
It asks you to root your creativity inside it.

Please—get married! Move cities. Raise your children. Take the vacation.
And be brave enough to bring your dreams with you.
Your life isn’t meant to be compartmentalized.
It’s a living, breathing tapestry.
My love, start weaving.

And yes, I’ll be leading this cohort with a potentially pregnant body. Living nomadically for several months. Learning a foreign language so I can root down in a new country. With bags still half-packed and emotions very much on the surface.

But I will be there. Full-bodied. Open-hearted. Unpolished. Unapologetic. Wildly in the midst of my life…and my dreams.

Creativity doesn’t wait for the right time.
It waits for your yes.

So here is mine: Yes to mess. Yes to beauty. Yes to desire. Yes to devotion.
Yes to the creative calling that’s louder than the fear.

So if your life feels full, messy, complex—good!
That’s not a reason to pause. That’s a reason to begin.

And if you’re craving a space to walk that path inside of, I’d love to invite you into the Prismara Circle.
We begin the week of April 7-14. Doors close Sunday, April 6.
And it’s built for this.

For the trepidatious starts. For the messy middle.
For the leaders becoming.
For the creators ready to stretch their arms wide, breathe into the edges, and say: I’m all in.

Because this is your life.
And your dreams belong inside of it ✨

Want to feel it for yourself? Let’s meet inside the experience.

There are three more chances to step into the energy of Prismara before doors close:

💎 Experiential Info Sessions
Not your average Q&A. These are immersive, embodied sessions where you’ll feel the frequency of Prismara and explore how it lands in your body. You’ll leave with clarity, inspiration, and a deeper connection to your creative path.
→ Tomorrow, Friday, March 28, and Friday, April 4

🖋️ Rewriting the Inner Dialogue
A free somatic writing + parts work session to meet your inner critic with compassion and reclaim your creative voice. Come to shift old patterns and write from embodied truth.
→ Tuesday, April 1

Every session is free. Every session is potent.
And every single one is an invitation into more of you.

Whether you’re feeling curious, ready, or just soul-intrigued—come see what’s possible.

I walked into my recent women’s book-writing retreat with a clear plan: I was there to work on my rewrite of Creative Dysregulation. Simple, right? I wasn’t there to brainstorm new projects or get swept into grand revelations. Just refine, deepen, and write.

Well.

Cut to me, two days later, sitting in the redwoods, looking at my notebook, realizing that I hadn’t just mapped out one book. I had outlined seven.

Seven! As in, I walked in thinking I was chiseling one sculpture and ended up unearthing a whole museum. Well, a museum of small things— each book will be about 18-22k words. TBH, I’m bullish on short books. The kind you can read on a long airplane ride and take immediate action on.

And the wildest part? It didn’t feel overwhelming. It felt like relief.

For years, I had been swirling around different ideas—knowing they mattered, knowing they belonged somewhere, but unsure how they fit together. And suddenly, there it was. Laid out. Clear as day. Not just as ideas but as a body of work. A movement. A roadmap for the next chapter of my leadership.

Instead of feeling like I had too much, I felt…whole. Integrated. My ideas weren’t scattered anymore; they were a roadmap. And as a byproduct, I felt more whole and integrated, too. Like all these disparate creative parts got to climb onto the bus together—no one left behind, no one fighting for the front seat—and we hit the road, windows down, music blasting, heading straight toward something that finally made sense.

Here’s the thing: That kind of clarity? That level of expansion? It wouldn’t have happened if I were alone.

The Power of Creating in Community

Here’s what I’ve learned, over and over again, in every creative container I’ve ever led:

🔥 When people try to birth their most meaningful work in isolation, they stall.
🔥 When they do it inside community, they expand.

Not because they’re not passionate or driven enough. But because authentic creativity—whether it’s a book, a business, a body of work—pushes us to our edges.

We hit fear. We second-guess ourselves. We wonder, Is this too much? or Am I even the person to bring this to life?

We can, oh so easily, fall into patterns of avoidance, procrastination, and strange self-sabotagey behaviors. Looking at you: impulse-buying yet another notebook ‘for inspiration.’

And if we don’t have the right support, we start to shrink our ideas to make them feel safer.

But inside a creative ecosystem—inside a space where people are also walking this path, where you are seen, supported, and challenged to go bigger, not smaller—you don’t retreat. You move through it.

This isn’t just a nice concept. It’s science.

In psychology, there’s a term called co-regulation—the way our nervous systems sync up with the people around us. It’s why we feel safer in a room full of people who believe in us. It’s why therapy and coaching work. It’s why we can access more courage, clarity, and creative flow when we’re surrounded by the right people.

I call this creative co-regulation. A ‘group nervous system’ forms when we create together—one that can hold far more tension, complexity, and insight than any individual can alone.

And that’s exactly what happened for me at the retreat.

I could have second-guessed my seven-book realization. I could have talked myself out of it. But instead, I was surrounded by two amazing women who didn’t let me collapse into doubt. They helped me expand into clarity.

Creative co-regulation is how you go from second-guessing yourself in isolation to actually finishing—with sanity, momentum, and a crew of brilliant humans cheering you on.

Community is Why I Created Prismara

That’s why I built Prismara.

Because this isn’t just about creating something cool, it’s about expressing the work that is inside you.

The business. The method. The body of work. The creation that you know will ripple into the world and create beautiful, meaningful shifts in others.

Prismara is an ecosystem for soul-led leaders who are here to bring their deepest gifts into tangible form.

It’s for the ones who feel the call to build something that lasts. The ones who refuse to let their most important ideas sit in a notebook for another year. The ones who are ready to go all in—but don’t want to do it alone.

Because the truth?

✨ You weren’t meant to figure this out by yourself.
✨ You weren’t meant to navigate the highs and lows of creation in isolation.
✨ Your ideas—your soul’s work—aren’t just projects. They’re portals.

And when you create inside an ecosystem that sees you, holds you, and amplifies your brilliance— your work doesn’t just get finished. It gets embodied.

What Happens When You Say Yes to Being Held in Your Work?

I want you to imagine what it would feel like to build your most meaningful creations inside a space where you are truly held.

To bring your big, wild, ambitious ideas into a room where people get you.
To hit a moment of doubt and have someone right there to walk you through it.
To take a leap and have a whole community saying, “YES. This is yours. Keep going.”

That’s what happens inside Prismara.

I know how easy it is to think, I should be able to do this alone. To feel like you should be able to self-motivate, self-regulate, and just push through.

But let’s get real—you’re not supposed to.

Your work isn’t just something you ‘get done.’ It’s a full-body process. A deep expression of who you are. A conversation between you and the world. And, if you’re open to it, a dialogue with the universe itself—your highest self, the nature of reality, and everything in between.

And when you finally let yourself step into a space where you don’t have to hold it all alone?

You don’t just create more.
You create the work you were actually meant to bring into this world.

Are you ready to be held inside that? If so, Prismara is waiting for you.

Let’s make your creative work inevitable.

With wild love ✨

~ Kelly

Want to experience this work firsthand? Here’s how to dive in:

💎 Apply for Prismara: Ready to step into a creative ecosystem that holds and amplifies your most meaningful work? Learn more & apply here.

💎 Join an Experiential Info Session: If you’re curious but want to feel what this is all about before deciding, come to one of our live sessions this Friday or next. We’ll explore the power of co-creation IRL and answer any Qs you have. Save your spot.

💎 Attend ‘Rewriting the Inner Dialogue’ Workshop: Curious about the intersection of creativity and healing? This immersive workshop on 4/1—offered in partnership with —blends writing, somatic experiencing and parts work to help you quiet self-doubt and strengthen your voice of confidence. Sign up here.

No matter where you are in your creative journey, know this: You don’t have to do it alone. Your work—and your expansion—deserve to be championed.

📖 PS ~ Oh, and those seven books? You’ll be hearing plenty more about them soon. Each one dives into a different facet of empowered, embodied, regulated, alchemical, and cyclical creativity—and together, they form a body of work I cannot wait to share with you as the months and years go on.

There is one month left before we begin the first Prismara Circle. If you’re feeling the pull to step into your creative work in a deeper way, join us for an upcoming experiential circle and see what it’s all about.

The Project is the Way

Clarity Comes From Commitment

There’s a moment that comes after the spark of an idea—after inspiration strikes, after you feel that little rush of excitement. It’s the moment where you decide: Am I really going to do this?

And this is where so many creative dreams stall out.

They join the ever-growing graveyard of unrequited inspiration. The book never written. The album never recorded. The business never started. The project that could’ve helped many—left to dissolve into the background because the moment of decision passed, and hesitation took its place.

Not because the idea wasn’t good. Not because we didn’t have the time, the talent, or the resources (although we might tell ourselves these are the reasons).

But because we got stuck in committing.

We start questioning. Is this really the right project? Should I be doing something else? What if this takes up all my time and I realize later it wasn’t worth it?

So we sit in indecision. We wait for certainty before we commit. But certainty doesn’t come from thinking about a project. It comes from being inside a project.

My friend, the project is the way.

We tell ourselves that we need to get ready before we begin. That we should wait until we have a clearer vision, better skills, more time, or more confidence. But in reality, the project is what prepares us. It’s the thing that makes us ready.

A project is not just a thing we create—it’s something that shapes us. It teaches us how we work, where we hesitate, where we resist. It reveals our strengths and insecurities. And that’s why it feels uncomfortable to commit. Because deep down, we know that once we say yes, we will be changed by it.

Change—especially the kind that asks us to show up fully—is hard.

And yet, we must.

The Illusion of Readiness

I’ve spent years circling ideas, waiting to feel sure before I committed. I thought if I just sat with something long enough, the right decision would reveal itself. But that’s not how clarity works.

Had I followed through on my ideas instead of spinning in hesitation, I would have had a podcast in 2015. My idea at the time was to interview successful female entrepreneurs. But instead, I spent seven years wondering if it was the right move, if I was ready, if I should do something else.

And in 2022, when I finally launched the Wild on Purpose Podcast, I thought to myself: why didn’t I do this sooner?

This is how we waste our creative lives. Not through failure, but through hesitation and inaction.

Fear of Commitment

At its core, our hesitation to commit to a project isn’t really about the project itself. It’s about the fear of choosing the wrong thing.

What if I pour my heart into this and it doesn’t work? What if I invest all this time and then realize it wasn’t the right idea?

Just like the way we struggle with commitment in relationships.

We overthink, we hesitate, we second-guess. What if this isn’t my person? What if I choose this and something better comes along? But waiting for certainty doesn’t bring certainty. It just creates more doubt.

It’s the same with creative work.

From here on out, treat your creativity like a lover. Like a partner.

You won’t know if a project is the project until you’re inside it. And unlike a monogamous marriage, there is no actual thing as the project. One project will lead to another and another.

The only way to find out is to start. And the beautiful thing is—starting is never wasted effort. If you dive in and realize after a few days, this isn’t it, that’s not failure. That’s clarity. And that clarity came from movement, not from endless deliberation.

The Project as Growth

If you feel stuck in your creative life, the answer isn’t to wait for motivation, or inspiration, or a sign from the universe that you’re on the right track. The answer is to start something.

A project is a container for transformation. It gives you something real to engage with—a structure that moves you beyond overthinking and into action. It shows you your creative patterns:

• Where you light up

• Where you hesitate

• Where you lose energy

• Where you stop yourself from fully stepping in

And most importantly, it teaches you.

The process of making something is the way you figure out what you need to know—not just about your work, but about yourself. About your ability to navigate resistance, to move through self-doubt, to sit with the vulnerability of putting your voice into the world.

The project is the way.

It’s not something separate from your growth—it is your growth.

So if you’ve been sitting on an idea, waiting for the perfect moment, waiting for certainty—this is your moment. Step in. Let it shape you. Let it teach you.

Let it show you the way.

And you don’t have to walk that path alone.

This is exactly why Prismara exists—to be the space where you commit, where you bring your ideas to life, where you let your project shape you. Whether you’re writing a book, launching a podcast, birthing a new offering, or crafting a new business, this space is where alchemy meets execution.

If you’re ready to stop circling your ideas and start creating, come taste an experiential info session. The work—and your tribe—are waiting for you.

Creative Happenings & Personal Notes ✨

⚡️ A Breakthrough in Authentic Relating

I’ve just returned from Boulder, Colorado where I attended Authentic Relating Level 2, a relational healing modality I can’t recommend enough.

I had a profound breakthrough on our second morning when I revealed a trigger that had come up for me in front of a group of 32 people. As someone who has historically suppressed her truth to maintain a sense of harmony, this was huge. For 15 minutes, the whole group held space as my body shook, trembled, and cried—my nervous system recalibrating to greater authenticity.

On the other side of my reveal was a palpable sense of aliveness coursing through my body. My mind felt clear, my spine was straighter, and I felt an embodied sense of power in speaking more honestly.

~~~

🎙️ New Podcast Episode — ‘Sunday Check-ins Save Marriages’ on Modern Relationships with Erik Torenberg

My husband, and I revealed how we’ve navigated the ups and downs of marriage through a regular weekly check-in process, the art of rupture + repair, and what it means to view partnership as (another) mirror for our personal transformation.

~~~

🔥 Breathwork x IFS Retreat

I’m co-hosting a powerful 4-day FBR Breathwork and Internal Family Systems Retreat in Northern California, June 26-30 with Jonny and Ian Stratton. This will be a unique retreat and mini-training designed to empower your own at-home healing practices.

More information will be announced within the week, but if you’re already curious, email me directly to be the first to receive access.

That’s all for today! Wishing you creative sparks, deep breaths, and the courage to follow what’s calling you forward 🫶

Curious to learn more? Join a free experiential info session tomorrow and get a taste of the circle live.

Learn More & Apply

Since launching Prismara, the feedback I keep hearing is:

“This is so you.”

People tell me they see me in the words, in the way it’s all woven together. They feel me in the energy of it.

And every time I hear it, an exhale ripples through my body.

Because for years, I searched for this feeling.

I tried on so many different paths, looking for the one that felt like home. I chased ideas that made sense on paper, followed strategies that seemed like they should work, and spent too much time wondering what I should do instead of asking myself what actually lit me up.

But authentic creation doesn’t start with strategy. It starts with something quieter. A pull. A flicker. A feeling inside you that says, this way.

At first, it’s subtle. Easy to dismiss.

Maybe it shows up as an idea that won’t let go. A topic you can’t stop thinking about. A vision that appears in the quiet moments, tugging at you when you’re driving or about to fall asleep.

Maybe it’s something you’ve been doing all along, in the background, without even realizing it’s trying to be consciously claimed.

For me, it was following the unrelenting longing to weave my multi-faceted passions together— creation and entrepreneurship with healing and transformation. I have been mulling on ideas like this for over five years, but only now was I ready to listen.

No matter how it comes to you, the moment you give it your attention, it glows—and for a second, you feel something unmistakable:

Energy. Aliveness. A sense of home.

That’s the call. That’s the thread inviting you forward.

And yet—this is where most people hesitate.

Because bringing forth something that is truly yours—something from your depths—doesn’t just ask for action. It asks for all of you.

What Authentic Creation Asks of You

It would be “easier” if it was just about picking a market opportunity. If it was just about refining a skill set and making something that sells.

But authentic creation is different.

It’s not a neatly packaged product. It’s alive, and it doesn’t just move through you—it moves you.

It stirs things up. It asks you to grow in ways you didn’t anticipate. It surfaces the resistance, the self-doubt, the perfectionism, the part of you that wonders, Who am I to do this?

And this is why so many people choose not to follow it.

Because safe, logical paths don’t ask us to confront anything. They let us stay outside of ourselves, working within frameworks that are already built, shaping our ideas into things that are palatable, predictable, and proven to work.

But you know what else they don’t do?

They don’t fill your lungs with energy.
They don’t crack you open with possibility.
They don’t flood your body with the feeling of being fully, unmistakably alive.

And they most certainly do not reflect back the unique brilliance of your authentic gifts.

They do not give you the existential exhale that you actually are special.

The Path Unfolds As You Walk It

People assume that when you find your thing, you’ll feel instantly confident. That it will come with clear steps and logical next moves. That you’ll be ready before you begin.

But in my experience, you become ready by beginning.

Prismara didn’t arrive in my mind as a fully formed vision. It emerged. It came through by listening, by following what lit me up, by weaving together the pieces that had always been there.

One thread led to another.

One insight built upon the last.

And eventually, it became undeniable. This thing wanted to come through me, and it was my gift to give.

That’s how authentic creation works. It doesn’t give you the whole map upfront. It gives you just enough to take the next few steps.

And that next step? That’s the only thing required of you.

How You Know You’ve Found It

I spent years searching for a sense of rightness in my work, thinking it would come from finally figuring it all out. But that wasn’t it.

The feeling I was looking for—the feeling that says “this is so you”—didn’t come from aggressively seeking clarity.

It came from authentic alignment.

From following the pull instead of ignoring it.
From allowing something real to move through me instead of controlling it.
From trusting that what lights me up is worth listening to.

When ChatGPT helped me with the name Prismara, I cried.

When I saw it—when I read the root etymology1 of the word—something unlocked in me.

Relief flooded my body. A sense of home. A feeling of being deeply seen—

No, not deeply seen by ChatGPT (although yes, my Ai totally gets me).

By myself.

By my own soul.

We are always the first test of whether what we’re creating is truly ours.

We feel it in the flutter in our chest, in the way it fills our body with energy, and in the way it demands to exist, even when it makes no rational sense.

It moves through us before the world ever has a chance to reflect it back.

But you don’t have to self-validate for long.

Because when you finally bring forth what is truly yours, the world recognizes it.

They feel it.

And they tell you—

“This is so you.”

And that’s how you know you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.

Your Invitation

If you’re feeling the pull toward something—even if it doesn’t make sense yet—follow it. Not because it’s a proven formula. Not because it’s a guaranteed path to success.

But because it’s alive inside you, waiting for you to say yes.

And if the whole point of being alive is to live fully, then following that aliveness will inevitably take you to the places you most wish to go.

Your life will be one grand, beautiful adventure by following that call.

It doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be ready. You just have to start listening.

Because when you do—

We’ll all recognize it, and reflect back, “this is so you”.

And if being held, supported, and guided in this journey of authentic creation calls to you, I invite you to step into a Prismara Circle—a space designed to hold you through this exact unfolding.

With aliveness ✨

~ Kelly

A 6-Month Journey for Project-Based Transformation

There comes a time when we reach the threshold— where we can feel the next chapter of creativity stirring within us, but we don’t want to walk it alone.

We’ve done the inner work. We know what we’re here to create. We can feel it tugging on our hearts, urging us forward. Whether it’s a book, a body of work, a soul-aligned business, or a new form of expression.

At this point, we also know that birthing something into the world requires more than vision.

It requires a space that can hold us— steady in our becoming, spacious in our unfolding.

A rhythm that meets us where we are— guiding us forward even when the path isn’t clear.

A circle that reflects our brilliance back to us— not just as we are, but as we are meant to be.

This is Prismara.
And I am thrilled to finally share it with you ❤️‍🔥

A Living Dojo for Creative Leadership

Prismara (pris-mara) is a living dojo for rising and reinventing creators, leaders, and facilitators at the threshold of their authentic service in the world.

It is part…
💎 Creative mastermind—a space to bring your project to life.
💎 Inner work container—where you ‘do the work’ to expand your capacity.
💎 Council circle—where your gifts are deeply seen and held.

Above all, it is a creative sanctuary that welcomes all parts of you as you embark on the inspiring yet adventurous journey of bringing something to form.

And the doors are now open.

A New Kind of Creative Container

Prismara was born from years of searching—of weaving together threads from different worlds, trying to find a space that could hold both the depth of inner transformation and the fire of real-world creation.

For entrepreneurs and creators walking the personal growth path, we are so often asked to choose one.

We can either focus on strategy, execution, and output—measuring success in milestones and metrics while disregarding the deeper interior shifts required to create something truly alive.

Or we can go all-in on healing, self-inquiry, and transformation, only to find ourselves stuck at the threshold of action, daunted by the task of executing our vision.

But what if we didn’t have to choose?

While walking my path, I discovered—through lots of trial-and-error—that I needed both.

I needed a space that honored the transformational nature of creating things—where I could bring forth my ideas and gifts while tending to the inner work required to birth them. A space that saw creativity not as a means to an end, but as a path of becoming.

A space where the work wasn’t just about what I was making and how successful it was (or wasn’t), but who I was becoming in the process.
Where I could move at the pace of real integration, not urgency.
Where I could bring my full self—raw, evolving, unfinished—and still be met with belonging.

And because I couldn’t find it, I built it.

The Prismara Circle is that space— a grounded, generative space where you can show up as the wholly imperfect, radiant creative you are, with bold ideas and visions, and the power to bring them into reality on your own terms.

Who is Prismara For?

I want to be super transparent. Prismara is not for everyone.

It is for you if…

🌿 You are bringing a meaningful project, business, or heartfelt offering into form—and want an explicit container to do both the inner and outer work necessary.

🌿 You crave a field of belonging—a creative circle where you, your spirit, and your work are held with care and witnessed in the process.

🌿 You are ready to master your own creative process through somatic and nervous system awareness, embodied leadership principles, and the wisdom of cyclical creation.

🌿 You don’t just want to “make something”—you want to create in a way that feels deeply attuned to your truth, your energy, and your timing.

If this feels resonant to you and your journey, come explore.

Step Into the Circle

Prismara is an intimate, high-touch experience, designed for those who feel the call. If something in you is leaning in—if you’re feeling the pull of these words, the quiet sense that this might be what’s missing —I invite you to explore.

Look Inside the Prismara Circle

See what speaks to you. Feel into it. You’ll know if it’s for you.

With soul ✨
Kelly

P.S. Want to get a taste of the Prismara experience? I’m hosting four experiential info sessions where you can experience the energy of the space, ask questions, and see if it resonates. No pressure—just a chance to explore. Sign up here.

Hey, Creative ~

I've been supporting a few writers recently in the process of crafting their books, and one thing keeps coming up: we apprentice to our own material.

Here's what I mean by that. When you want to share an authentic idea1 with the world— whether through a book, a course, or a business—you will inevitably bump up against the idea in your own life.

I'll use myself as an example. 13 months ago, I shared my ideas around creative dysregulation with the world by writing a short and imperfect book in five days. During those five days, I most certainly met my own creative dysregulation, but not nearly in comparison to the amount I bumped against in the year after.

I recently wrote about my 1-year reflections and how digging into my feelings of resentment led to major personal and creative breakthroughs. You can check out that post here.

By tackling the concept of creative dysregulation and wanting to share it with others, I had to ‘apprentice to’ the material. It's as if my book was silently egging me on like, "Let's see how much you really know about me." In the process of becoming a teacher of creative dysregulation, I became intimate with my own crippling self-doubt, tendencies toward overwhelm, and that nagging all-too-familiar voice that whispers, "You could just step away and go do something else."

In the past, I'd listen to that voice and add another corpse to my project graveyard. But this was so painfully meta, so perfectly ironic, that I couldn’t ignore it. I saw what was happening and leaned in. More than writing a book, I wanted to understand myself and this phenomenon of creative dysregulation. So, as if the concept was my master and I was its apprentice, I humbled myself and said, "Teach me."

I use the word apprentice very intentionally here. Because apprenticeship is different from expertise. Expertise says, “I’ve arrived. I know this. Let me teach you from my pedestal of arrival.” Apprenticeship? It’s humbling. It means we’re still in relationship with the thing. We’re still learning from it.

Traditionally, apprentices didn’t just study a craft from the outside. They worked alongside a master, absorbing the nuances through practice. They fumbled. They tried again. They figured it out by doing.

And that’s what happens when we share an authentic idea. We’re not just passing along knowledge—we’re stepping into a dynamic relationship with it. Our work keeps teaching us, shaping us, pulling us deeper.

That’s why it can feel like our ideas come back around to test us. Because they do. The moment we decide to put something out into the world, it’s like the universe hands us a knowing look and says, “Oh yeah? You sure about that? Show me what you got.”

At first, this can feel like some kind of cosmic joke. Like, really? I decided to write about this, and now I’m suddenly living the most heightened version of it? But over time, I’ve come to see it differently. This isn’t punishment. This isn’t proof that you’re unqualified or that your work is invalid. It’s just the nature of the process.

Because when we step forward with an idea—when we claim it, articulate it, offer it to others—we aren’t just teaching it. We’re inviting it to teach us at level 10 intensity. To work us, shape us, and mold us until the knowledge isn’t just in our heads—it’s in our muscles, our bones, our being.

I’ve seen this play out again and again. Friends who set out to teach something—whether through a book, a course, an app, or some other tangible creation—only arrive at a sense of mastery after they’ve fully birthed the thing. It’s as if the act of creating something whole and shareable is also what completes their transformation. And once they’ve put it into the world, I often see them naturally moving on—ready, somehow, for whatever is next.

To me, this gives an extra-rich layer of meaning to doing something like writing a book. It’s not just about sharing knowledge—it’s about stepping onto a path that ensures you deeply know something, inside and out. It’s a direct route to embodiment, a potent way to become the kind of person who doesn’t just understand something intellectually but lives it.

Knowledge is only a rumor until it lives in the muscle — Asaro Tribe of Indonesia

So, if you find yourself bumping up against the very thing you set out to explore, take a breath. This isn’t a mistake. This isn’t a sign to stop.

It’s an invitation.

Embrace the metamorphosis. The mentorship.

Say 'yes' to the apprenticeship to your chosen material. And let it work you as you work it.

Apprenticing to Online Authenticity

One of the things I teach—and therefore apprentice to—is authenticity. Near the end of 2024, it dawned on me that I wasn’t being fully authentic online.

How did I know? Avoidance.

Ah, good ol’ avoidant attachment flaring up with the internet again.

Since July, I have been avoiding social media, wrestling with showing up on Substack, and struggling with long-form writing. Not because I didn’t have things to say but because I wasn’t playing a game I actually wanted to play.

The last few months have been deeply clarifying. I’ve redefined the internet game to work for me. That meant letting go of hyper-optimizing subscriber numbers, ditching segmentation, and dropping the mindset that there’s a ‘right’ way to do this. And when I looked closer at why newsletters weren’t working for me, I realized something else:

I was torn between two distinct ways I wanted to write:

• Writing as a coach and guide—the kind of writing that supports others, shares insights, and offers something useful. The articles that come through me when I think about my clients or people stepping into their creative gifts.

• Writing as Kelly, the human and seeker—first-person writing that isn’t about teaching but about revealing. Writing for the sake of processing, integrating, and sharing for no other reason than to express something true.

So, I made a new game.

I reorganized things and gave myself clear containers to hold these different voices. My Substack is now home to three (actually, four) distinct sections:

🌿 Wild on Purpose – My first-person storytelling zone, where I work out the material for my eventual pre-motherhood memoir of the same name. This is where you’ll meet me as an evolving, unfolding, vastly imperfect human—a seeker devoted to the healing path, stumbling through life’s lessons with bumps, bruises, and entertaining stories.

💎 The Prism – The home of my new coaching business, Prismara—where the writing is more focused on you. Here, I’ll share insights to help you step into your own creative power, embodiment, and transformation. Expect personal storytelling in support of actionable guidance or perspectives (like this post).

🏡 The Imaginal – A fun, niche little project chronicling the journey my husband and I are on to build a custom home within a community in Costa Rica. A home of inner and outer flourishing—balancing nervous system health, biomimicry, sustainability, and feng shui principles with our unique lifestyles of entrepreneurship, creativity, and (hopefully) a couple of wild kiddos.

🎙 Wild on Purpose (Podcast Edition) – After a 3-year pause, I’m slowly bringing my podcast back to life—but in a way that actually feels good. No high production stress, no rigid content strategy—just spontaneous, alive conversations that feel creatively rich and meaningful. Yes, I’m reclaiming audio too.

This is the new structure that actually works for me. A way of showing up online that feels expansive instead of draining.

If you’ve been wrestling with how to be visible in a way that actually feels good, I see you. Remember, there aren’t any rules here. Do you. Here’s to making the internet work for us.

See you soon, loves 💛

Xx, Kelly

PS ~ I’ve been lovingly tending to a new arena for rising and reinventing creative leaders to expand within. The first ‘Prismara Circle’ will be revealed in the next week— a space to do the deeper inner work necessary to bring authentic creations into the world. I’m so excited to share it with you ✨

Lastly, if nervous system work is on your radar...

My husband, , is currently enrolling the next cohort of Nervous System Mastery, a transformational program designed to help you regulate your nervous system, increase your resilience, and expand your capacity to be with all of life. I’m honored to be a guest teacher in this round with a workshop on ‘Overcoming Creative Dysregulation’— illuminating the important overlap between creativity and the nervous system. If you’re curious, you can check it out and receive $250 off HERE. Doors close tomorrow.

One year ago, I took a leap into the unknown. I sat down for a five-day sprint to write Creative Dysregulation, not knowing where it would take me. That experience taught me more about creativity—and myself—than I ever imagined.

I’ll start by saying: I’m grateful I did the challenge. I truly believe it changed my life for the better. And yet, this past year, I wrestled with waves of resentment—not just toward the book, but toward those five days. Only by going into that resentment was I able to reap the benefits of what I’d created.

For those who are new to my work, here’s the short version: I wrote and published the first version of my book in five days. Creative Dysregulation is a term I coined to describe the experience of struggling to express creativity—when, at some point in the process, you become overwhelmed by physical, emotional, mental, and/or spiritual dysfunction and blockage. And if you're like me, all of the above.

The term resonated. Enough people connected with it that I felt compelled to keep going—diving into research, leading workshops, conducting 30+ research calls, and using myself as a guinea pig at 10x the intensity.

My resentment stemmed from the same place most resentment comes from: I over-gave while suppressing my emotions along the way.

In the beginning, the project felt electric. I was fueled by curiosity and enthusiasm—plus a near-daily stream of emails and DMs from people thanking me, congratulating me, sharing their own journeys with creative dysregulation. It felt like a perfect balance of intrinsic and extrinsic motivation.

This is great! I thought. I’m onto something.

But eventually, my enthusiasm waned. And yet, I kept pushing.

Naturally, the emails and DMs slowed. And even when they did come in, they didn’t hold the same weight. I had already begun the inevitable decline from “yayyy this is awesome!!! to gahhhh fck this” in the creative process. Yes, a scientifically proven process.

I started feeling beholden to this book, convinced I should rewrite it.

Not just for “the people.” Not just to make it better.

Beneath the surface, it was actually something much deeper: I should rewrite it in order to be proud of myself.

One friend sent me a voice memo:
"Kelly, I don’t think you need to rewrite it. What if you just let it be? It’s done. It’s good enough."

No. Not possible.

I couldn’t believe that a five-day sprint could produce a book that was “good enough.” The only way I could stomach its existence was by framing it as V1—a Minimum Viable Book. When people told me they were buying it, I’d apologize for its incompleteness, reassuring them a better version was on the way. Was it?

This apologetic wonkiness was reinforced when I told a hot-shot literary agent—someone who represents some of the biggest names in personal development—that I wrote my book in five days and was seeking representation.

Her eye-roll was so obvious that I instantly wanted to hide.

My book and its insane origin story both liberated me and embarrassed me.

On one hand, it was so freaking cool to have written something that flowed straight through me, something that genuinely helped people. I can count at least 15 people who told me my story inspired them to start their own projects. In fact, six books exist today because my story got out there. I don’t want to discount that. It also catapulted me into a new chapter of confidence in my work, perspectives and ability to help others.

But on the other hand, it made me feel like a lonely outlier in an industry that takes years and years to break into. I felt like my title should be Author-ish.

I knew I could do better. I knew I could produce something more refined, more helpful, more polished—if only I gave myself months, or even years.

And yet, every time I tried to return to the manuscript, it felt torturous. The fuel, the magic, the (healthy and sustainable) motivation had vanished. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t return to the page with curiosity and love. It had all become too serious, too important, too heavy.

My identity, my reputation—my very sense of having made it—felt wrapped up in this damn book. Showing up to the manuscript felt like showing up at the start of a marathon with all of my injured past selves trailing behind me, roped together.

My little 18,000-word, $4.99 book was suddenly carrying the weight of my entire creative worth.

Whoa.

By August 2024, I finally admitted it to myself: Damn. I’m still creatively dysregulated.

A few months later, I humbly took my own creative regulation self-assessment as a non-biased participant.

According to my own framework, I was medium-high dysregulated in identity integration, emotional resilience, and motivational clarity.

I always knew that by writing about creative dysregulation, I’d meet it head-on.

And yet, I kept forgetting. Over and over again.

So I stopped trying to fix the book. I stopped trying to make it great. I stopped trying to bring a concept into the world.

I just did what my own book preaches to do. I felt.

I felt the anger, the grief, the embarrassment, the self-judgment. I felt the weird loneliness of being an author who put in five days of effort—and the quiet shame that would rise in my chest when “real authors” gave me that confused look after I’d timidly admit, yeah… just five days.

I turned toward all those injured past creative parts trailing behind me.

I met the littlest ones, the ones who just wanted to hold the book in their tiny hands and say, Look! I made a thing! and be loved for it.

I met the ones who feared being graded and ranked against others, who wouldn’t let me feel a sense of belonging to the author groups that I’m now a part of. Holding myself back from connection because, well, I’m not a real author, right?

I met the parts of me terrified of actually standing in my own authority. The ones who refused to let me be proud of myself, who couldn’t accept that, actually—yes—this book was helpful and valuable. And still is.

It is so hard to love ourselves exactly as we are. Exactly where we are.

Without me knowing it, my book had become a mirror for my humanness.

It was both perfect and imperfect. Incomplete and whole. Wonderful and a work-in-progress.

It showed me where my vulnerabilities lie. How I crave both belonging and individuality, recognition and invisibility, mastery and messiness. How I oscillate between wanting to be taken seriously as an original thinker while simultaneously wanting to blend in and be like everyone else.

It showed me how I’ve spent my life trying to prove my worth through what I do—and how, no matter how much I accomplish, some part of me still waits for an external stamp of approval that will never come.

Because the only person who can give it to me is…me.

It showed me how much of my creative energy has been spent managing perceptions rather than simply making what I want to make. And making them how I want to make them.

And yet—what a gift.

Because the truth is, I don’t want to be the person who needs an agent’s approval to feel worthy.

I don’t want to be the person who apologizes for what she’s made before it’s even in someone’s hands.

I don’t want to be the person who keeps waiting for an external authority to deem her work “good enough” before she lets herself love it.

I want to be the person who stands proudly in the work she creates—whether it took five days, five years, or five decades.

I want to be the person who understands that creativity is not just about what we make, but who we become in the process.

And if this book has taught me anything, it’s this:

Creative regulation isn’t about eliminating self-doubt or perfecting the process. It’s about learning to dance with the paradoxes of creation—confidence and uncertainty, urgency and patience, pride and humility, completion and evolution.

It asks us to embrace the paradox of our existence— that we are innately creative beings with the capacity to bring forth anything we imagine. And yet, we must do so through our humanness. As creative life force energy moves from our souls and through our bodies and minds, it bumps up against beliefs, trauma, and the woundings that would have us think we’re something less than capable and worthy. And in a strange way, this is ultimately why I believe we create.

We do not create so that we can have a bunch of books with our names on them. That is a secondary benefit.

We create because the act of creating changes us.

We create to transform—to let our ideas, projects, and visions call forth our wholeness, our confidence, and our capacity.

Because when we commit to a creative process, we are not just making something—we are becoming someone. A truer, fuller version of ourselves.

But only if we do the courageous work of going inward.

Only if we welcome what arises.

Only if we meet the parts of ourselves ready to be re-integrated.

Only if we see our projects for what they truly are: mirrors.

Kelly’s Note:

So, where am I now with the book?

After stepping away for several months and having deeper conversations with friends, I’ve decided to fully re-commit to the rewrite.

Not because I think V1 is invalid—it absolutely serves a purpose. But I’ve connected with a much bigger why. I see now that Creative Dysregulation isn’t just about creative struggles—it’s about embodied agency. The ability to create what we truly want in our lives.

At its core, creative dysregulation is a nervous system response—often rooted in childhood attachment patterns, where authenticity was suppressed in exchange for love and safety. The rewrite will go deeper into this, first as a book for adults, with a companion workbook designed to feel like creative therapy meets shadow work.

And with the help of others, I intend to bring this work into schools and families, supporting young people before the dysregulating damage is done.

All of which is deeply connected to a larger mission that I have been increasingly sensing is within me: to support the widespread understanding of secure attachment and authentic self-expression as foundational pillars for human and collective flourishing. Something I will be writing a lot more about soon 💛

Big news—my husband and I are joining a regenerative land project in Nosara, Costa Rica. This is where we hope to start our family, design a nervous system-friendly home, and live a life guided by primary satisfaction—deep connection to nature, community, and the rhythms of real, wholesome living.

This will be such a big, complex and creative project that I’ve decided to share our journey along the way in this sub-publication, The Imaginal (if you’re already a subscriber to Wild on Purpose, you’ll receive little snippet updates about this project too).

The Imaginal is the home we’ve been dreaming into existence since the start of our partnership five years ago—one that blends nervous system design principles, creative flourishing, and sustainable living.

And now, it’s time to make it a reality.

Over the next year, we’ll be designing our 2,100 sq. ft home, surrounded by jungle with distant ocean views. At the same time, we’ll be learning what it means to be conscious expats—stewarding the land with care, honoring the culture and values of this place, and creating a home where future children grow up feeling safe, inspired, and deeply regulated. Oh, and brushing up on 8th grade Spanish.

This move isn’t just about building a house; it’s about creating a way of being—one that prioritizes beauty, belonging, and the pura vida lifestyle. We’re stepping into a vision where home isn’t just a place, but a space that nourishes, inspires, and sustains.

If all goes to plan, we’ll be living in our home near the end of 2026.

We anticipate things being incredibly stressful at times, downright scary and way outside our comfort zone. But when we feel into what our deepest desires and values are for a well-lived life, we know this is the right move for us.

So, we’re calling our courage, our creativity and our community to help make it happen!

As we design The Imaginal, we’ll be crowdsourcing ideas to create a visionary, budget-conscious home. What would you prioritize in a home that truly supports a well-lived life for two adults, a couple of wild kiddos, and a handful of four-leggeds? We’d love to learn from your insights.

Stay tuned for updates on this next creative cycle ✌️

Tomorrow is the Winter Solstice.

I'm not writing to tell you about rituals to perform, teas to drink, affirmations to recite, or intentions to set. Although I’ll be hiking to a cave tomorrow for a group ritual, my fascination with the solstice is more archetypal than literal. I love what the solstice reveals about the nature of transformation and creativity.

The Myth of Endless Light

We live in a world that celebrates perpetual daylight—clarity, action, and visible progress. Creativity, too, is often mistaken for output—launching, writing, posting, sharing. But real creativity doesn’t thrive in endless light; it requires the dark, unseen spaces where transformation happens.

What if darkness isn’t an obstacle to be overcome? What if it’s the soil from which our truest self—and our most authentic creativity—emerges?

Darkness isn’t passive. It’s the space where things grow unseen, roots deepen, and ideas gestate. It’s where we’re stripped of the distractions of “doing” so we can reconnect with the quieter work of becoming. In the dark, there is no stage, no applause, no need to perform. Just the raw, unfiltered truth of who we are—and what wants to come through us.

This is the paradox of creation: the light we long for is born in the dark.

The Deep Work of Darkness

Darkness asks us to step away from the external markers of progress and success and enter a space of stillness and transformation. Think of how a butterfly dissolves completely in its cocoon before reforming. It’s not just changing in that dark space—it’s reimagining itself entirely. And to do so, it needs to die and be reborn. There is no butterfly without the death of its previous caterpillar expression.

Our own periods of darkness work the same way.

When we feel furthest from our gifts, when we can’t see the way forward, when everything we thought we knew seems to fall away—we are strangely, paradoxically in the midst of creation.

Darkness asks us to stop trying to force clarity and trust the slow, quiet work beneath the surface. It asks for patience, surrender, and faith in the unseen.

This is creativity at its most essential: not the act of making, but the courage to let ourselves be unmade. To trust that when we feel most disconnected from our gifts, we might actually be discovering what they truly are.

Trusting the Descent

For me, this darkness wasn’t just a moment; it was years. I had symptoms that matched clinical depression, but when the doctor prescribed meds, I knew that wasn’t the answer. It’s called "soul searching" for a reason—there are things we need to find within ourselves, a deeper yearning that medicine can’t touch.

My "winter solstice"—the peak of my darkness—came when the 'default path' I’d been following started unraveling. After college, I moved through a string of jobs, and fulfillment always felt out of reach. Deep down, I knew work was supposed to mean something, to be more than a paycheck, but I couldn’t seem to find that meaning.

During my brief stint selling life insurance, I sat at my desk one night with tears running silently down my face. I hung up the phone, grabbed my keys, and drove out into the Nevada desert at sunset. I didn’t have a plan, but something inside me needed space. It happened when I stepped out of my truck—a scream erupted from somewhere deep in me, raw and full of everything I’d been holding back.

Afterward, in the quiet, I heard a voice from within:
"You got yourself into this. You can get yourself out."

I didn’t know how, but I knew it was true. At that moment, I took responsibility, not for knowing the answers but for starting the process.

It was slow. Instead of seeking fulfillment from things outside of myself, I went inward. Years of healing work followed—plant medicine, psychotherapy, embodiment practices, and a wilderness vision fast. None of it was instant or easy, but piece by piece, I started to see glimmers of light. Glimpses of my true self.

The darkness had stripped away so much—old ideas, identities, and ways of being. And in its place, I began to feel something deeper: the truth of who I am and the life I’m here to create. And as a byproduct, the things I want to create.

During that time, I found solace in these words by :

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn
anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.

For me, the fertile void wasn’t punishing me—it was preparing me. And I’ve come to see that this is true for all of us. The darkness we resist is often the space where our truest gifts and desires take root.

The Light That Emerges

When the light does return, it carries with it the wisdom of everything the darkness made possible. It’s not just a return to clarity; it’s a transformation shaped by the quiet work that happens in the void.

If you’re in a dark space now—whether it feels like a creative void, a loss of direction, or a questioning of everything you thought you knew—consider this:

What if this darkness isn’t keeping you from your gifts, but revealing them? What wants to emerge through you when you let go of who you thought you needed to be?

The solstice reminds us that darkness isn’t something to fear or rush through. It’s where we’re remade. Where we dissolve and reform. Where we discover what we’re truly meant to bring forth into the world.

Spring will come, but first, let the wisdom of winter do its quiet work.

Trust the dark. Trust what’s emerging. Trust yourself.

The Rhythm of Winter: My Timing

It can feel unnatural to spring into action this time of year, and yet, that’s exactly what the "new year" energy often entices us to do. The world around us is still dark and slow, asking for rest and reflection, but society pushes us toward resolutions and fresh starts.

When setting intentions or making plans for the year ahead, I like to pause and check in with myself: Is this the time when action feels authentic? Or am I unconsciously riding the societal wave?

If this feels like a time for planting seeds rather than sprouting them, honor that. Let yourself align with the natural rhythm of winter—the slow, unseen work beneath the soil.

I am taking this winter to tend to the next iteration of my work: Prismara, an ecosystem for creative leadership, transformation, and heart-centered community. The pace at which I am tending is slow, deliberate, and rather un-exciting. Focusing on closing previous creative cycles before fully engaging in this new one.

Invitations to come play inside Prismara will come when the timing feels aligned—when the seeds I’m planting have had the chance to deepen and mature. For now, I’m honoring this winter rhythm, allowing the space for what’s next to take shape naturally.

I wish you and your family a nourishing end of 2024 ✨

It is a great privilege to have this perspective and to be at peace with the ebbs and flow of the human experience. Arriving here was not an easy journey. 

For much of my adult life, I’ve felt lost— adrift in this chaotic world without a sense of purpose. Stumbling through life while trying to find myself— many times, in all the wrong places. 

Fortunately, there is a framework that has helped me understand the inevitable ups and downs of the human experience. That periods of darkness, lostness, and rebellion are necessary phases if one is to truly find themselves and know their place in this world. This framework supported me during the darkest time of my life, and it continues to support me as I unfold deeper and deeper into myself. 

Today, I will tell you about this framework, how it came to me, and how you may find value in it, too. First, let’s go back in time. 

A Call to Change Everything

Eight years ago, at age 27, I was pulled violently into the healing path. I felt utterly broken and lost, drifting from place to place, job to job, relationship to relationship. I was disoriented— inside and out. 

For many years, I thought something was wrong with me. Something was fundamentally broken, and I was incapable of thriving in this world—despite having higher education, access to resources, and many of the belongings our society claims a person needs to be fulfilled. None of that truly mattered. 

Clinically, I was diagnosed with depression. What was actually happening was something more profound. The depressive symptoms were simply pointers to a deeper transformation taking place. 

My dark night of the soul lasted about five years. It was during this time that I looked inward for the first time. I found darkness, pain, and longing. I also found—or rather, felt—an inner presence that quietly called to me saying, “This way.”

On some level, I knew I was walking my correct path. Despite the difficulty and confusion, a part of me felt the necessity of this process. Change was happening rapidly. I was undergoing a metamorphosis that I was vastly unprepared for— but that I was surrendered to all the same. 

As my consciousness changed, my entire life reconfigured to focus on this process. My friendships changed, I sobered up, and I became passionate about trauma healing and spiritual growth work. I took responsibility for my life and well-being for the first time. 

During the peak of this process, my now-husband and I lived in Puerto Escondido, Mexico— waiting out the pandemic and living a laid-back lifestyle. With more time and space available to me and being unplugged from the daily stresses and programming of the United States, I was able to give myself fully to this inner deconstruction process. 

Still navigating it mostly alone, I wanted an explanation for what was happening. I wanted a map that could illuminate where this process was taking me. Afraid I may be in this darkness forever, I needed a lifeline to hold onto. 

My desire was met in one of the most creative moments of my life. 

The Flash of Inspiration

One day in 2020, in the middle of this intense period of self-discovery, I sat down to journal, hoping to make sense of everything swirling inside me. What came through was the map that I desperately needed and that I’m sharing with you today— four years later. 

Coming from someplace beyond my normal consciousness, a framework emerged—“Caged, Feral, Wild.” I wrote for 45 minutes without stopping, barely aware of what I was putting down on paper. When I looked back at the words, I realized I had captured something that felt like truth. My body felt electrified. My psyche felt at peace. 

Unlike other writing or creative ideas, this framework came through me. I did not think about it over a period of time or gradually piece it together. It arrived in one full chunk of clear information. The version I’m sharing with you today is 90% the same as that first writing session.  

And it was clear, this framework wasn’t just for me—it was a map of the human journey, a way of understanding how we move from feeling trapped and conditioned, through a messy, raw stage of breaking free (the phase that I was in), and finally, into a state of true, authentic living and purpose. 

As I read it back, a wave of relief moved through me. For the first time, I had a way to see where I was on this journey and to understand the stages I had been moving through. My darkness and pain all made sense within this map. It also gave me a horizon to look toward. 

This framework, in a way, was the lifeline I’d been hoping for.

Since sharing it in a few places, including X and a podcast interview on Gender Alchemy, I’ve heard from a handful of beautiful humans saying how impactful and clarifying the framework was for them. After receiving validation and encouragement from one of these people, I’m finally sharing it more broadly.

Caged, Feral, Wild has been a guiding light for me and for a handful of others. It’s a way to understand where we are in our life’s journey, discover compassion and clarity for the stage we’re in, and see a path forward. It is also a tool to find greater peace, compassion and forgiveness for others— including other individuals as well as the whole of humanity. 

I’ve been calling it a “psycho-spiritual-emotional development framework for human maturation.” Ultimately, it’s a map of evolution— personal and collective. 

No matter what you call it, think of it as the adventure of a lifetime.

How to Engage with the Map

The map is made up of three primary features: Stages, Sub-Stages, and Trails. Each offers a unique way to understand where we are and how we move forward.

• Stages
  The Stages—Caged, Feral, and Wild—represent broad phases of human growth and development. Each stage reflects a distinct level of awareness, autonomy, and relationship with ourselves and the world. Moving from one stage to the next often involves deep personal work, reflection, and growth. These stages are the main anchor points on the map, helping us understand the overarching journey of moving from conditioned limitations to authentic living. We most likely live years, if not decades, in each stage. 

• Sub-Stages
  Within each Stage are nuanced Sub-Stages that provide a closer look at our experience in that phase. They give us insight into the gradual shifts we undergo within each main stage, allowing for a more compassionate understanding of our journey.

• Trails
  The Trails are the transitional pathways between stages and substages. These trails represent the moments, experiences, or inner shifts that propel us forward. Each Trail has its lessons and challenges, marking a time of change, growth, and transformation. Think of the Trails as the connective tissue that moves us from one stage to another, helping us cross key thresholds in our development.

I’d also like to preface the material with some general guidelines on this map. Here’s how I suggest you approach it:

1. The Map Is Not the Territory
   Like all models, this framework oversimplifies a much more complex human experience. Use it as a guide, but know that your journey is nuanced, and no map can capture it entirely.

2. Self-Reflection Across Life Areas
   You might try to identify where you are generally across your entire life first, and then zoom into particular areas of life— such as relationships, service/purpose, finances, creativity, health, etc. It’s entirely possible, and very likely that different parts of you are in different stages. 

3. Growth Is Spiralic, Not Linear
   Although this map offers a linear, phase-by-phase process, the experience of it is more like a spiral. We often revisit stages we thought we’d moved past, each time finding deeper layers of growth. The more we move ‘up’ the spiral and revisit stages, the more comfortable we’ll be with them and the more tools, resources and perspectives we’ll have gathered to navigate them. In short, it gets easier with time. 

4. There is an Organic Pacing and Unfolding

   It may be tempting to look at this map and decide you want to rush to the last stage of it (Wild for Others). This will probably result in messiness and disorientation. Each stage has essential lessons to teach, and each phase is necessary. Seeing the whole map is helpful to give you perspective, compassion and a horizon to look toward— however, it also requires patience and a commitment to be exactly where you are right now. 

5. Compassion over Labels
   This isn’t about labeling yourself or others. It’s a tool for self-awareness and understanding, helping you recognize why you might feel the way you do. Think of it as a context for your experiences, not a rigid box.

6. A Framework Among Many
   This framework is part of a lineage of maps, like the Hero’s Journey, Bill Plotkin’s “Journey of Soul Initiation,” or Ken Wilber’s “Grow up, Clean up, Wake up, Show up.” Each points to universal stages of human growth, often saying the same thing in different ways. There are benefits and shortcomings to every framework and map that tries to encapsulate the human experience. Maybe this one will resonate with you, and maybe it won’t. For those who do see themselves in it right away, I invite you to stay with it for some time. And if it doesn’t land for you, then just walk away. 

7. It’s A Work-in-Progress

   As mentioned, this framework came through me in one rapid writing session. I’ve since done a little tweaking and iteration, but not much. Now that it’s published in a wider way, I anticipate new insights and changes will arise. So please see everything I offer here as an imperfect work-in-progress. Don’t take any of it as fundamental Truth. Have discernment for yourself whether this is actually supportive for you. 

Caged, Feral, Wild 

Now that we’ve set the context let’s dive into the stages of “Caged, Feral, Wild.” This framework lays out a map of human development—a journey from constraint and conditioning through a period of messy, raw exploration and eventually into a state of authenticity, embodied freedom and service to the world. These stages capture phases that many of us go through as we grow, heal, and come home to ourselves.

Wild Instinctual

We all begin life as creatures of pure, innocent authenticity. This is our original, instinctual state—a time when we live fully immersed in oneness without judgment, programming, or separation. As babies, we are completely in tune with our needs, expressing them freely and instinctively. But as we grow and experience life, conditioning inevitably shapes us, pulling us away from this natural state of being. 

Caged

The Caged stage represents the phases of conditioning. It’s where we internalize societal expectations, family beliefs, and limiting stories about ourselves and the world. In this stage, we live within invisible boundaries, often unaware of their presence. The Caged stage has two layers:

Caged Unaware

Traits: Stuck, disempowered, victim mindset, asleep to conditioning, unaware of limitations.

In the Caged Unaware phase, we live within the boundaries imposed by society, family, or our internalized beliefs—yet we don’t even realize it. Life feels constricted and repetitive, but we accept it as “just the way things are.” In this phase, we often feel stuck or victimized by circumstances, but we aren’t aware of the underlying forces shaping our choices and experiences. 

It’s a state of unconscious living, where patterns and routines define us, and self-reflection is limited. We may even believe that our feelings of limitation and disempowerment are simply part of life, or we might try to numb ourselves to them. The idea of “something more” feels distant, if it exists at all.

Common Thoughts & Statements for Caged Unaware

“This is just how life is.”

“Why do things always happen to me?”

“No matter what I do, nothing ever changes.”

“I don’t have a choice; this is just how it has to be.”

“People don’t understand what it’s like to be me.”

Trail of Awareness 

Traits: Observant, awakening, beginning to question, identifying individuality.

Small glimpses of freedom begin to appear. We may notice a subtle discomfort or restlessness, sensing that there’s more to life than what we’ve known. We notice other people who appear to be living more freely and enjoyably than we are; we start to desire what they have. This awareness is the first step toward breaking free.

Caged Aware

Traits: Frustrated, conscious of limitations, feeling trapped, questioning, resentful.

In Caged Aware, we begin to see the cage for what it is, becoming conscious of the conditioning that restricts us. The walls around us come into focus, and with that awareness, a growing frustration often follows. 

We may start questioning the rules we’ve followed, the roles we play, or the beliefs that have shaped us. This awareness can feel liberating, but it can also bring resentment and even anger as we realize the extent to which we’ve been living by others’ expectations. We yearn for more freedom but may feel uncertain or afraid to step outside the boundaries. It’s a challenging stage where we sense the possibility of change yet feel trapped by the comfort or safety of the familiar.

Common Thoughts & Statements for Caged Aware

“There’s something wrong with this, but I’m not sure what.”

“Why am I stuck here while others seem so free?”

“I can’t keep living like this, but I don’t know how to change.”

“I’m angry and frustrated, like I’m trapped in a box.”

“There has to be more to life than this.”

Trail of Rebellion 

Traits: Defiant, angry, boundary-testing, rejecting norms, reactive.

The awareness of being caged often leads to rebellion. We might push back against these limitations, sometimes forcefully, demanding change. But at this stage, our rebellion is often fueled by anger or frustration, stemming from a place of hurt rather than true empowerment. We are resistant to something and want to push away from it (versus moving toward something more generative). 

Many of us walk this trail (at least for the first significant time) when we are teenagers. For me, my trail of rebellion included alcohol, drugs, and other forms of recklessness that helped me push away from my family and “good girl” conditioning. 

Feral

The Feral stage is a time of messy, raw exploration. Here, we begin breaking away from old beliefs and structures, diving into self-discovery with an urgency to redefine who we are. This stage is about questioning everything and beginning to reclaim our true selves. 

Feral Unconscious

Traits: Rebellious, reactive, angry, defensive, struggling for identity, righteous, vindictive.

In this phase, we’re breaking free from old patterns and conditioning, but often in a chaotic, ungrounded way. Our actions are fueled by anger, frustration, and a fierce desire to assert ourselves—yet we’re not fully clear on what we’re moving toward. This stage is like throwing up a middle finger at the life we’re leaving behind, wanting to burn down everything that represents confinement and limitation.

People can get stuck here for a long time, channeling that raw “fuck you” energy into a hardened identity. When rebellion becomes a lifestyle, it can feel empowering to someone still holding onto a sense of victimhood. Here, the act of pushing against is often mistaken for personal power. While this phase is necessary, it’s easy to turn reactive defiance into a permanent state, mistaking it for freedom, when in reality, it’s still deeply rooted in the pain of the past.

Common Thoughts & Statements

“Screw this! I’m done with these rules.”

“I’m going to do things my way, whether people like it or not.”

“Why do people keep trying to tell me who I am or what I should do?”

“I don’t need anyone else’s approval.”

“I’m tired of being told what’s right or wrong—I’ll figure it out myself.”

Trail of Humility

Traits: Humble, open, ego-shedding, recognizing interconnectedness, willing to learn.

Moving forward requires humility. This phase asks us to confront our ego, to soften, and to realize there’s more to learn. We are usually humbled by some big event or series of events where we realize our attitude and behaviors impact others. As we begin to recognize our place within a larger whole, we start to see ourselves with new eyes. We begin to leave victimhood by taking responsibility for ourselves and our actions. 

Feral Conscious

Traits: Self-aware, committed to growth, taking responsibility, healing-oriented, forgiving, seeking wholeness, open to learning, beginning to find purpose.

In this phase, we start seeing our journey as one of healing and personal growth, not just breaking free. After moments of humbling, we gain self-awareness and realize that real transformation requires commitment and intentionality. We’re drawn to practices and tools—therapy, meditation, self-reflection—that help us understand ourselves on a deeper level. This is where we move beyond blame, taking responsibility for our actions and choices and actively working to heal old wounds.

Unlike the reactive rebellion of Feral Unconscious, our energy here is focused and open to learning. We’re transitioning from reactive energy to the energy of moving toward something. 

I believe many people in the personal development world are primarily here. This is where we roll up our sleeves and “do the work” on ourselves. Most likely, we are here for 5-10 years, if not longer. 

Common Thoughts & Statements

“I know this is a journey, and I’m committed to figuring it out.”

“I’m starting to see that I have to take responsibility for my choices.”

“Healing isn’t easy, but I know I need this.”

“I’m learning to be okay with who I really am.”

“I’m beginning to feel a sense of purpose and direction.”

Trail of Embodiment 

Traits: Integrated, committed, grounded, applying growth to daily life, embodying learning.

As we continue this path, we start integrating our healing work into daily life. We’re no longer just “learning” about ourselves; we’re actively embodying what we’ve discovered, creating a more aligned and connected sense of self. 

In this trail, we integrate our self-discovery work into everyday life. This is about walking our talk, bringing what we’ve learned into our body, mind, and spirit to create a sense of inner alignment.

Wild

The Wild stage is where we reconnect with our authentic selves, living from a place of alignment and purpose. Here, we have shed the confines of conditioning and are in touch with who we truly are. Wild has two aspects:

Wild for Self

Traits: Authentic, aligned, self-loving, purpose-driven, evolving, seeking self-fulfillment.

In this exciting phase, we begin to embody a grounded sense of who we are. We feel deeply connected to our own growth, taking responsibility not from a place of obligation but from a place of love and alignment. Here, we live more fully from our heart, body, and spirit, embracing our gifts and values as guides for how we show up in the world. There’s a natural flow in how we make choices, as they come from our own truth rather than external expectations.

This phase is marked by a sense of purpose that feels personal and meaningful. We’re no longer searching outside ourselves for validation; instead, we’re focused on becoming the best, truest version of who we are. There’s a deep self-acceptance in Wild for Self, as we embrace our strengths and limitations, knowing that our journey is one of continued evolution. In this phase, life feels aligned and authentic, and we seek experiences and expressions that nourish our sense of self.

Common Thoughts & Statements

“I feel at home in myself and am starting to trust my own path.”

“I don’t need to be anything other than who I am.”

“I know my strengths and gifts, and I’m excited to share them.”

“I love the person I’ve become and am becoming.”

“Life feels aligned, and I’m following what truly matters to me.”

Trail of Leadership 

Traits: Inspiring, purposeful, service-oriented, acting with integrity, guided by values.

As we root into our authentic selves, we feel a pull to lead, to contribute, and to use our gifts meaningfully. This stage invites us to recognize our interconnectedness with others and the world, moving beyond personal fulfillment to include service.

Wild for Other

Traits: Purposeful, service-oriented, connected, contributing, expansive, compassionate.

In this culminating phase, our focus shifts from self-fulfillment to a sense of interconnected purpose. We no longer see our journey as just for us; we’re drawn to use our growth and gifts in service of something greater. This stage is about contributing meaningfully to our relationships, communities, or even the world at large. Our purpose feels expansive as we move beyond personal goals and embrace a vision that includes the well-being of others.

This phase is marked by a deep sense of compassion and responsibility. We feel connected to the larger web of life and are motivated by a desire to make a positive impact. Here, service becomes a natural expression of who we are as we dedicate our energy, skills, and healing to the greater good. In Wild for Other, we understand that our personal journey is ultimately inseparable from the collective, and we find fulfillment in helping uplift and inspire those around us.

Embracing the Journey

The "Caged, Feral, Wild" framework serves as a guide for understanding our own journey, with all its cycles, challenges, and breakthroughs. Each of us moves through these stages at our own pace, and we may find ourselves revisiting parts of this map as we grow, heal, and evolve. What matters most is not how quickly we move through each stage but how fully we engage with the lessons each one offers. This journey is as much about depth as it is about progression.

Wherever you find yourself on this map, know that your path is valid and that each phase holds valuable insights and growth. May this framework offer you clarity, compassion, and a sense of companionship on your journey. And remember, we’re all on this path of becoming—together. Embrace each stage for what it offers, and trust that each step brings you closer to your truest, most authentic self.

In closing, I want to thank the handful of humans who have taken the time to reach out to me directly in response to this framework. Without your reflections, I may have withheld this for another few years. This reminds me just how important it is for us to share our creative gifts with the world. We never know who might be helped and uplifted by doing so 🙏✨

May you know that you are a profoundly creative being with my gifts to share.

Warmly & wildly,

~ Kelly

For many years now I've fascinated by the miraculous transformation of caterpillars into butterflies, understanding it as a metaphor for our own human capacity to transcend and be reborn.

In 2021, while traveling through Central America, I decided to take my exploration of this concept further by creating an expressive arts project in which I would be transformed— with body painting and light psychedelics— into a real-life butterfly.

The purpose of this project was to create a meaningful ritual to honor and celebrate my journey through trauma healing, personal transformation and spiritual growth.

For the project, I enlisted the help of a well-known Guatemalan bodypainting artist, Susana Olivia (@susy_oliv), who used paints to adorn me from head to toe (literally, very little skin was left untouched).

I held still for hours while she worked her magic, while having ingested a small amount of psilocybin to heighten the euphoric sensations of the brushstrokes.

Here’s my story, a collection of candid and professional photographs, and insight into why I chose the butterfly for this experience. Plus, my recommendations for creating your own expressive arts ritual to celebrate any of your transformational journeys.

Enjoy!

The Death-Rebirth Cycle

"We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty." - Maya Angelou

The metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly is a striking phenomenon – it's a symbol of the end of one chapter and the beginning of a completely new one.

This transformation begins when the caterpillar, after a period of voracious feeding, finds a suitable location to form its chrysalis. The chrysalis acts as a protective casing, within which the caterpillar is safeguarded during this vulnerable stage of its life cycle. This is not merely a static pause in the caterpillar's life; rather, it's a time of intense and radical internal restructuring.

Inside the chrysalis, digestive enzymes dissolve the caterpillar’s body until it's reduced to a molecular goo. From this soup emerges ‘imaginal cells’ – which contain the blueprint for the formation of a new creature.

At first, these cells are rejected by the immune system, but eventually, they come together and form clusters with the same vibrational frequency, passing information between themselves until they hit a critical tipping point.

These cells then begin acting as a collective unit, constructing all the components necessary for survival in its next stage - such as wings, antennae, legs - eventually giving shape to the butterfly.

Through an act of destruction and reorganization, new life is born.

The Symbolism Of Transformation

"Transformation isn't sweet and bright. It's a dark and murky, painful pushing. An unraveling of the untruths you've carried in your body. A practice in facing your own created demons. A complete uprooting, before becoming." – Victoria Erickson

The metaphorical journey of a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly has long been used to express the process of personal growth and soul initiation.

It encapsulates the profound changes that we, as humans, undergo throughout our lives. Like the caterpillar, we too experience periods of intensive growth, moments of retreat and introspection, and spectacular transitions that redefine who we are.

Just as the caterpillar consumes voraciously, so too do we consume knowledge, experiences, and emotions. We take in, learn, and grow, building our bodies, minds, and spirits. Then, often triggered by a pivotal event or deep introspection, we retreat into our personal chrysalises, our safe spaces where we can ponder, digest, and transform these experiences.

The chrysalis stage can be likened to the periods in our lives when we're called to delve into our inner world. It's a time of introspection and reevaluation, where we dissolve old ways of being and prepare for a new phase of existence. This stage, often marked by solitude, stillness, and a sense of dissolution, can be challenging yet it's crucial for our transformation.

The emergence of the butterfly symbolizes the awakening of a new consciousness, a rebirth, or a spiritual initiation.

It's the culmination of a journey that was initiated in the depths of the chrysalis. Just as the butterfly spreads its wings and soars, we too emerge from our periods of introspection and transformation with new insights, perspectives, and a renewed sense of purpose. We're not the same as we were before; we've transcended our previous state of being and are ready to embark on a new chapter of our lives.

This metaphor is powerful because it doesn't shy away from acknowledging the struggle and discomfort inherent in the process of transformation. It recognizes that growth often involves periods of dissolution and uncertainty. But it also celebrates the potential for profound change and the emergence of a new, more evolved state of being. The butterfly serves as a beautiful reminder that we too have the capacity for tremendous growth and renewal.

Immersion into Sensory Metamorphosis

"Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time." - Thomas Merton

As Susana painted away, I felt my body becoming lighter and brighter with each brushstroke. For near six hours, I closed my eyes and let myself get lost in the sensation of their brushes on my skin. Since the artists primarily spoke Spanish (and mine was quite amateur), we barely talked during the experience. I was really left to just savor the sensations.

The room, filled with the scent of paint and the soft melodies of etheric music, became my chrysalis. Words were scarce as I surrendered to the process, allowing the artists' creative energy to guide my transformation.

After close to six hours, my transformation was complete. I looked in the mirror and saw not just the vibrant colors and intricate patterns painted on my skin, but a reflection of my inner transformation. I felt lighter, freer, as if I'd emerged from my cocoon and was ready to soar. It was a celebration of the end of a chapter, the culmination of years of healing, and the beginning of a new journey.

This story is a testament to the transformative power of art and personal expression. Through this creative process, I was able to externalize my internal journey, bringing to surface emotions and experiences that needed to be acknowledged and released. It was a healing process, a form of self-love, and a testament to my own resilience— my own ability to surrender to the imaginal cells within myself.

As I stepped onto the terrace, I spread my painted wings, ready to embrace the new chapter of my life while honoring the old. Just like the butterfly, I was ready to fly.

This journey mirrored the metamorphosis of the butterfly - a testament to the power of introspection, resilience, and the transformative force of art. I had grown, evolved, and emerged more vibrant, ready to embrace the next chapter of my life with newfound strength and clarity.

Like the butterfly, we are all capable of profound transformations. Even when we feel like we're dissolving, often we're on the verge of becoming something beautiful. Through our darkest moments, we find our wings.

In every ending, there lies the promise of a new beginning 🦋

~~~

A big MUCHAS GRACIAS to the artist Susana Olivia and her very talented team, including a photographer, accessorizer and lighting expert.

As well as my husband Jonny Miller for capturing candid moments and to our host at the gorgeous Airbnb in the hills of Antigua, Guatemala 🙏

Creating Your Own Expressive Arts Ritual for Transformation

Embarking on your own expressive arts ritual to celebrate personal transformation can be a deeply rewarding experience. Here are some steps to guide you on this journey:

1. Define Your Transformation: Reflect on your own personal transformation. What changes have you undergone? What stages of growth have you experienced? Understanding your transformation will help you decide how to express it creatively.

2. Choose Your Medium: Art is a vast field with numerous mediums to explore. You might choose body painting like I did, or you could turn to other forms of expression such as drawing, writing, dancing, or sculpting. Choose a medium that resonates with you and your story.

3. Create a Safe Space: Just like the butterfly needs its chrysalis, you need a safe and comfortable space to create your art. This could be a room in your house, a garden, or any place where you feel relaxed and free to express yourself.

4. Set Your Intention: Before you begin, set an intention for your art. This could be a word, a phrase, or a feeling that encapsulates your transformation. This intention will guide your creative process.

5. Immerse Yourself in the Process: Allow yourself to get lost in the creation of your art. Don't worry about the outcome, just focus on the act of creating. Listen to music, light a candle, or do whatever helps you get into a creative zone.

6. Honor Your Art: Once your piece is complete, take a moment to acknowledge and honor your creation. It's a reflection of your growth and transformation. You might choose to share your art with others, or keep it as a personal testament to your journey. Writing this post is part of my honoring process.

Remember, the goal of this ritual is not to produce a perfect piece of art, but to express and celebrate your personal transformation. The power of this ritual lies in the act of creation itself, and in the personal growth and understanding you gain from the process. In the same way a butterfly doesn’t rush its emergence, don’t rush yourself. Enjoy the process, and remember, transformation is a journey, not a destination.

Have you ever found yourself facing the same creative block over and over again, even when you thought you’d already dealt with it? This isn’t a flaw in your process—this is the spiral nature of creativity.

Creativity as a Spiral 🌀

As I continue to reflect on the nature of creativity, I'm reminded that it doesn't follow a linear path. Just as our nervous system ebbs and flows, so too does our creative energy, interest, and capacity. Creativity teaches us that we don’t simply jump from idea to tangible creation; instead, we ride the waves of internal and external change.

The more we commit to the path of creativity, the more resilient we become in navigating these waves.

One of the most humbling aspects of creative work is meeting the same block or challenge we thought we’d conquered—only to discover its back, perhaps disguised in a new form but still undeniably familiar.

These are our ‘creativity patterns.’

In my own journey, I often find myself meeting a challenge I thought I’d ‘dealt with’ the previous year or during a previous project. This time, though, it shows up a little differently—and I meet it as a slightly different version of myself.

A Personal Pattern: The Love-Hate Tug-o-War

One of my patterns is the “I love this so much → and I never want to touch this again” dance. It’s a cycle of expansion and contraction in every meaningful creative project I embark on. Around the 6-9 month mark, the initial excitement fades, and I’m suddenly struck by the realization that this will require discipline and work. Similar to when we exit the honeymoon phase of a romantic relationship and realize it, too, will require work to become a long-term committed partnership.

At this point, I usually start to resent the project—feeling drained of motivation. I push through for a while, forcing myself to keep showing up, but eventually, the frustration grows to a point where I react and step away. Sometimes, I abandon the project altogether. This happened with my podcast Wild on Purpose; this year, it almost happened with my book.

After enough cycles, I began to see the pattern for what it was. No matter how epic and exciting the project was initially, I always reached a moment where resentment bubbled up, and the urge to quit followed. For years, this pattern played out unconsciously.

But this year, something shifted. When the same thoughts and feelings surfaced around Creative Dysregulation and the rewrite of my book, I had enough awareness to catch it. I had spiraled upward to a new level of maturity within the pattern 🌀

Seven months after writing V1 (like clockwork), the urge to step away filled my body and mind. In a delightfully meta moment, I knew this was my creative dysregulation at play— coming to teach me more lessons about what it truly is and how it shows up. If I were to understand this concept, I knew I had to figure out what was going on beneath the surface.

What I found was three things:

1. Finding my intrinsic motivation: Because V1 of my book exists due to a friendly challenge, I burned through all the extrinsic motivation energy available. The first few months of this venture were primarily fueled by other people's enthusiasm and stoke for it. I needed to discover why I wanted to pursue this topic and what V2 would mean for me.

2. Cultivating sustainable pacing: The micro-virality of the concept and book hooked me and my dopamine receptors and sent me on a multi-month frenzy to keep the high going. After a few months, I was humbled by a micro-burnout and depletion— a reminder that creativity is a gradual, cyclical, and natural process that can't be forced (and my pacing is unique to me).

3. It was time to recommit: The honeymoon phase of creative dysregulation was over, and it was time to lean into this relationship with maturity and commitment (something marriage has taught me). I recommitted to the project and concept while clarifying what I wanted to get out of it and what I believed I could bring to the table in exchange.

When I dug into my pattern, I found deep wisdom. Although my mind and body wanted to run away, those were just cues that something was stirring beneath the surface, and I needed to inquire within.

Meeting Your Creative Patterns

Recognizing your creative patterns is just the beginning. The real work lies in how you engage with them. Instead of labeling these patterns as obstacles to be avoided, what if we saw them as clues—pointing us toward deeper truths about our creative process?

When we encounter the same block again and again, it’s easy to get frustrated or feel like we’re regressing. But in reality, these moments offer an opportunity to dig deeper, to get curious about what’s really going on beneath the surface.

Here are some ways you can begin to explore your creative patterns and use them as a gateway to deeper understanding:

1. Pause and Observe: When you notice a familiar pattern—whether it’s procrastination, perfectionism, or feeling stuck—pause. Rather than reacting or pushing through, take a step back. What thoughts, emotions, or physical sensations are arising? Are you feeling anxious, resistant, or overwhelmed? Simply observing without judgment is the first step to understanding.

2. Inquire Within: Once you’ve identified the thoughts or emotions, ask yourself: What is this really about? For example, if you're feeling a strong urge to quit a project, ask what deeper fear or belief might be underneath that urge. Is it fear of failure? Fear of being seen? Or maybe it’s a signal that your creative energy is depleted and you need rest. Get curious about the meaning behind the surface-level emotion.

3. Listen to Your Body: Creativity isn’t just a mental process—it’s embodied. Notice how your body responds when you encounter a block. Are you tense? Restless? Fatigued? Your body often holds the wisdom that your mind may not recognize right away. By tuning into these signals, you can start to uncover what your creative rhythm actually needs.

4. Trace the Pattern’s Origins: Consider when and where this pattern first showed up in your life. Did you develop perfectionism as a child, wanting to please others with your work? Did you learn to procrastinate as a way to protect yourself from disappointment? By tracing the roots of your pattern, you can start to unearth the deeper motivations driving your behavior—and perhaps release some of the old stories you’ve carried with you.

5. Embrace the Lesson: Every creative block carries a message. It’s not just something to “get over” but an invitation to grow. Ask yourself: What is this block trying to teach me? Maybe it’s asking you to slow down and embrace patience, or perhaps it’s challenging you to trust yourself and take creative risks.

Each time you face a familiar challenge, there’s an opportunity to spiral upwards, bringing more awareness and self-compassion into the process.

By approaching your creative patterns with curiosity and openness, you can transform them from roadblocks into gateways—leading you toward greater self-awareness and creative mastery.

The Art of Returning

With each turn around the creative spiral, we start to catch on. We develop the ability to recognize our patterns and behaviors, becoming more self-aware. One of the most powerful realizations is the moment we say, “I’m onto myself,” or “Hey, I’m doing that thing I do.”

Instead of running from familiar feelings—like the urge to quit or the fear of imperfection—we begin to meet them with curiosity. This shift marks a deepening in our creative journey.

The beauty of this process is that each time we revisit a challenge, we’re not stuck in an endless loop. Even though the challenges may look familiar, we now bring new tools, insights, and a deeper understanding. We’re spiraling upwards, meeting the same issues but from a place of greater wisdom, resilience, and compassion.

Over to You

What patterns have you noticed in your own creative journey? How have you been able to work with them? I'd love to hear your experiences and insights in the comments below 👇

With gratitude,

~ Kelly

This is article 05 of the creative capacity series. If you’re just tuning in, I invite you to explore the previous articles to better understand creative regulation. You can find all of them here.

I’ve been sharing about the journey of expanding your creative capacity. So far, we’ve:

• Explored the sweet spot of your creative window of tolerance 

• Learned how to expand your window through creative titration

• Cultivated the ability to pause and regulate using internal awareness 

Today, we go beyond you as an individual creative person. We add the others. 

For many of us, creativity is a solo endeavor. We write, paint, and draw alone, and for professional creators or entrepreneurs, we create businesses alone. 

Although we dance with our muse in the quiet recesses of our minds and hearts and fan the flames of inspiration through our internal enthusiasm, creativity needs other people at some point in the game. 

Not buyers or readers but peers that are walking the path with you. I’d argue that creative peers are more essential than buyers, readers, and followers, at least when recovering and expanding your creative capacity.

Like nature, we create in reciprocity with our surrounding environment—drawing inspiration, feedback, and energy from those around us. While solitude is essential for nurturing the initial sparks, community is what helps those ideas take root and grow into something larger than ourselves. 

This is where creative co-regulation comes into play.

What is Creative Co-Regulation

Co-regulation is a concept from psychology. It refers to the way our nervous systems respond and regulate in connection with others. If you’ve ever felt better after hugging or cuddling with someone, that is co-regulation at play. My husband, a nervous system educator, theorizes that upward of 80% of good therapy is due to co-regulation. 

Within creativity, co-regulation is the idea that creating alongside others gives you greater capacity. 

Creative co-regulation helps you navigate challenges, feel more inspired and motivated, and expand your capacity by sharing the emotional, motivational, or creative load.  

It does not mean that you are necessarily creating with other people. You may still be working on your solo endeavor, but you do not feel alone; you feel a sense of belonging to a group larger than yourself. When we do so, our nervous systems sync together to support us in moving through creative tension with more ease. 

Creative co-regulation can look like many things; here are some ideas:

• Creating within a group or community container

• Having an active text thread with other creatives 

• Having consistent calls or in-person meetups with a group of creative friends

• Working with a creativity coach or having an explicit mentor

• Meeting creative people regularly at retreats or workshops

• Co-creating something with at least one other person

How I’ve Applied This

Medium-Sized Community Threads

I’m part of several private text groups for creative communities. These include groups for authors, online creators, coaches, and spirituality-driven entrepreneurs, ranging from 25 to 150 people. The smaller groups of 25-35 people consist of folks I’ve met during in-person retreats, so we know each other pretty well and support one another's creative

Intimate & Curated Group Chats

For greater depth, I’m involved in smaller groups of 3-7 people where we champion each other more personally. In these spaces, we share our manuscripts for feedback, ask more vulnerable questions, discuss struggles, and enthusiastically celebrate each other’s successes. This is the type of group that helped me write and publish my book in 5 days— the 'three wise men' who challenged me to do it were there every step along the way with their encouragement, feedback, and support.

The Artist’s Way Groups

In the past, I helped create three groups for The Artist’s Way, each with 2-6 women. For 12 weeks, we met weekly and stayed connected through a WhatsApp thread. This level of commitment worked wonders and helped us cultivate really deep friendships. It's the only way I’d recommend going through TAW.

In-Person Retreats

Recently, I’ve made in-person retreats a key part of my ‘creative support stack.’ I’ve attended three long weekend retreats (3-5 days) with people from my larger groups. These retreats are non-profit and co-created by all participants, making them feel more like community-led initiatives rather than traditional paid retreats. These consistent gatherings help keep me grounded and focused on my creative journey.

Inner & Outer Benefits

Being a part of creative communities has made a world of difference in my life. Truthfully, I wouldn't be anywhere near where I am on my journey if it weren't for others. Here are some of the benefits I've received:

• I know I’m not alone in my creative aspirations

• There are people who really “get me”

• My weird, ambitious, and creative ideas are celebrated

• I know who to turn to when I encounter an obstacle

• My ideas can be masterminded by talented, passionate people whom I respect

Out of all of these, the biggest benefit has really been knowing that I’m not alone. Since my ‘core creative wounds’ (from childhood) center around feeling alone, ostracized and judged for my creativity, this sense of belonging is medicine. Having these people in my corner has made the difference between creating and not creating.

Many of the people who’ve joined my challenges and creativity containers have also shared this sentiment. One writer from the recent ​30-Day Book Writing Challenge​ said, “Without the community, I would never have made it this far.”

No matter how successful we are at being autonomous, independent humans, we will always need other people around us, especially in the areas that consistently bring us into the unknown, like creativity.

But what makes creative co-regulation genuinely effective? Here are five factors I’ve found to be important:

The Ingredients

1. Trust and Psychological Safety
   A creative community must feel safe, supportive, and non-judgmental. Trust is the foundation that allows you to share your vulnerabilities and receive feedback without fear, which in turn helps your creativity thrive.

2. Consistent Connection
   Regular interaction with your creative peers—whether through group calls, retreats, or even a text thread—creates reliability. This consistency helps you build momentum and fosters a sense of belonging, knowing you have ongoing support.

3. Open and Honest Feedback
   Constructive, caring feedback allows for growth and fresh perspectives. Receiving feedback from those who understand your creative challenges helps break through blocks and sparks new ideas.

4. Shared Vision and Mutual Support
   A community of creators who share similar goals and values brings powerful synergy. Mutual encouragement, celebrating wins, and offering support during creative struggles boost everyone’s capacity and motivation.

5. Celebration, Enthusiasm & Stoke
   At the heart of a thriving creative community is enthusiasm—a place where your wins are celebrated and where you feel loved and appreciated for your unique contributions. When there is an atmosphere of stoke, you’ll all feel energized to take risks and continue expanding. 

Creativity is an inherently vulnerable and personal experience. You only want to let those you trust and feel comfortable with into your inner circles—ideally, people in a similar stage of creative development as you and some that are further along. You want to feel at ease with them while also a healthy dose of inspiration, mentorship and motivation.

Build Your Creative Community

You might wonder, "How do I start building this network?" Creating a supportive, creative community doesn’t happen overnight, but with some intentional effort, you can cultivate relationships that will nurture your creativity for years.

Whether you’re an introvert who thrives in small, intimate groups or an extrovert who loves diving into larger communities, there are plenty of ways to build connections that feel authentic and aligned with your creative path.

Here are some practical steps you can take right now:

Identify Potential Creative Peers

• Look within your current circles: Think about friends (in person or online), peers, and colleagues who share your creative passions.

• Attend local creative events, workshops, or meetups. Being in the room with other creators often sparks the connections you didn’t even know you needed.

• Join online communities or forums dedicated to your creative discipline.

• Consider reaching out to creators you admire on social media. A genuine message can go a long way in building a new relationship.

Initiate Creative Relationships

• Start by offering genuine compliments or thoughtful comments on someone’s work. People love it when their efforts are seen and appreciated.

• Share your creative journey, challenges, or wins to invite discussion and mutual understanding.

• Propose a coffee date or video call to dive deeper into your creative pursuits and explore potential synergies.

• Suggest collaborating on a small project or offering feedback on each other’s current work—it’s a great way to connect on a deeper level.

Maintain and Nurture Creative Connections

• Set up regular check-ins or creativity sessions, whether in person or virtually.

• Create a shared digital space (like a group chat or Slack channel) where ongoing discussions, idea exchanges, and support can happen naturally.

• Stay consistent with communication and follow through on what you commit to.

• Celebrate each other’s wins, no matter how small. Those moments are fuel for the creative journey.

• Be there when creative blocks or challenges arise—sometimes, a little outside perspective is all it takes to get unstuck.

Join or Create a Creative Community

• Research existing creative groups in your area or online platforms that align with your interests.

• If you join an existing group, show up and participate! Whether you attend events or engage in discussions, being an active part of the community is key.

• Start your own group! But start small. A core group of 3-5 people can be perfect for intimate connection and growth. Define your group’s purpose and guidelines, set a regular meeting schedule, and balance structured activities (like feedback sessions) with informal hangouts.

Expand Your Network Gradually

• Once you’re comfortable, start expanding your creative circle. Attend larger creative events or conferences to meet more peers.

• Think about cross-pollinating with creators from different but related disciplines—sometimes, the most exciting ideas come from unlikely collaborations.

Final Thoughts

Building a solid creative co-regulation network takes time and effort, so be patient with yourself and the process. These connections don’t happen overnight, but they will grow into something powerful with consistency and care (just like any other relationship in your life). The goal is to create a supportive environment where you and your peers feel safe sharing, experimenting, and growing together.

As someone who used to pride herself on being fiercely independent (and could never seem to get a single creative project off the ground), trust me when I say that creative friends, mentors, and communities are life-changing.

Now, over to you—what insights have you gained about the intersection of creativity and community? Comment below to start a dialogue.

Until next time…

Wildly 💛

~ Kelly

In our journey of cultivating creative capacity, we’ve explored the creative window of tolerance and the power of creative titration. If you’ve been reflecting on these ideas, I’d love to hear what you’ve discovered—feel free to hit reply and share with me directly.

Today, we’re diving deeper into an essential layer of creative growth: how your inner experience—thoughts, emotions, and body sensations—can guide you through your creative process. But before we explore this, let's revisit why it matters.

Why Listen to Your Inner Landscape?

Cultivating creative capacity is more than just producing work or mastering skills. At its core, it's about:

• Expanding your ability to sit with creative tension and possibility

• Holding and channeling more creative energy in your body

• Healing unresolved parts of yourself that surface during the creative process

As we grow our capacity for creativity, these benefits ripple through every part of our lives. For me, healing my relationship with creativity has empowered me to become the creator of my life—a life where I write my own story instead of being written by it.

The path to expanding this capacity begins with cultivating internal awareness.

Your Creative Compass

Your body and mind are constantly offering feedback on where you are in your creative journey. Learning to listen to this feedback helps you:

• Recognize when you're in your creative sweet spot

• Notice early signs of overwhelm or disengagement

• Navigate creative challenges with greater ease and clarity

• Expand your creative window of tolerance at a pace that works for you

In the past, I often ignored these internal signals. For me, creativity was synonymous with stress. I would push myself beyond my creative window of tolerance, deep into the red zone, thinking that if I could just finish or publish something, the discomfort would go away.

But it didn’t. The vulnerability hangovers, anxiety about how my work would be received, and a persistent feeling of "not enough" only grew stronger. Eventually, this cycle left me burned out and disconnected from my creativity altogether.

What I needed wasn't to push through the discomfort—I needed to pause and listen to what my body and emotions were telling me. This shift—turning inward instead of pushing outward—became the foundation of a more sustainable creative practice. When we learn to track our internal signals, we can use them as a compass for creative titration, gradually expanding our capacity in ways that feel manageable and even exciting.

Developing Internal Awareness

Your thoughts, emotions, and body sensations are your creative compass. They constantly provide feedback on where you are in your creative process. With practice, you’ll learn to use these signals to recognize when you’re in a productive, engaged flow—or when it’s time to pause, shift, or reassess.

To help you track these internal signals, here’s a simple framework using the three zones of your creative window of tolerance:

Putting it Into Practice

The next time you sit down to create, use this chart to track where you are. As you work, ask yourself:

• What thoughts are coming up? Are they helping you move forward or creating doubt?

• How are you feeling emotionally? Are you excited, anxious, or indifferent?

• What are your physical sensations? Is your body tense, energized, or fatigued?

By noticing these signals, you can determine whether you’re in your green zone of creative flow or if you’ve shifted into the red or blue zones. This awareness allows you to make real-time adjustments, helping you stay regulated and engaged.

The Power of the Pause

To make those real-time adjustments, there’s one skill to master: pausing.

In the previous article on creative titration, you met Alex, a lover of private journaling with dreams of publishing a book. Instead of attempting a quantum leap from A to B, he followed a gradual, cyclical process of creative titration. This ensured he gradually expanded his creative window of tolerance instead of blowing into the far reaches of the red zone.

Of the steps he followed, the Pause to Practice was the most critical. It’s in this step that Alex (and you) are able to consciously impact your creative capacity. Pausing to practice asks you to notice when you’re drifting out of your green zone and into the red or blue zones, then pause and engage in “a practice” to shift the energy.

What practice?

Well, there’s no shortage of great practices out there to be with your internal experience. Chances are you’re already skilled at a bunch of them, like mindfulness, breathing, going for a walk, journaling, etc.

Here are three incredibly simple practices that I like to engage with while creating:

1. Tension & Release

When you feel creative tension building—whether it’s mental strain or physical tightness—this practice helps you reset by consciously releasing the energy trapped in your body.

• How to Practice: Pause, bring awareness to where you’re feeling tension (your shoulders, neck, jaw, etc.). On an inhale, tense those muscles deliberately, and as you exhale, release them fully. Repeat this a few times, allowing your body to soften. This simple action can move stagnant energy and help bring you back into your green zone.

2. Somatic Tracking

Somatic tracking is about tuning into the subtle sensations of your body and allowing them to guide your next steps. This practice helps you cultivate awareness of where you are in your creative window of tolerance.

• How to Practice: Close your eyes, breathe slowly, and scan your body from head to toe. Notice any areas of tension, warmth, coolness, or tingling. Simply observe without trying to change anything. By tracking your body’s sensations, you bring your attention back to the present moment, which naturally allows energy to shift. This awareness often opens up clarity on how to move forward creatively.

3. Breath Awareness

Breathing is one of the most effective ways to regulate your nervous system and shift your state. It helps you release any stuck energy and creates space for fresh creative ideas to emerge.

• How to Practice: Take a slow, deep breath in for a count of four, hold it for a count of four, and then exhale slowly for a count of six. As you release the breath, visualize any creative blocks or stuck energy dissolving. This allows your body and mind to relax, giving room for inspiration to return.

By practicing these during a pause, you’ll train your nervous system to stay balanced and regulated even in the face of creative challenges.

A Sustainable Creative Relationship

The purpose of developing this inner awareness isn’t just to avoid burnout or overwhelm in the short term—it’s about cultivating a long-term, sustainable relationship with your creativity. By listening to your internal signals—your thoughts, emotions, and body sensations—you’re not only becoming more attuned to your creative process, but you’re also giving yourself permission to grow without self-sacrifice.

This inner work creates space for more complex projects and deeper creative expression. When you can stay in touch with your creative sweet spot and know when to stretch or pull back, you’ll be able to take on larger challenges and navigate uncertainty with more confidence. As your capacity grows, so does your ability to bring bigger, bolder visions to life—without falling into cycles of overwhelm or disengagement.

By practicing internal awareness, you’re developing resilience and creativity as a holistic, embodied experience—one that includes your body, mind, and emotions. This practice will not only expand your creative capacity but will also enrich how you engage with your life as a whole.

An Invitation to Pause and Practice

As you move through your creative process, I encourage you to use the inner experience chart (above) to check in with yourself regularly. As you create:

• What thoughts are surfacing?

• How are you feeling emotionally?

• What sensations are showing up in your body?

Once you have a sense of where you are, invite yourself to pause and practice. Whether you’re in the red zone of overwhelm, the blue zone of disengagement, or even on the edges of your green zone, pausing to engage in a simple somatic practice—Tension & Release, Somatic Tracking, or Breath Awareness—can help shift your energy and bring you back into flow.