At 35-years young, I look back at my life so far and see it as a journey of unfolding — of organically becoming more of myself and more at home in this world. I know that I have a purpose and a place here. More often than not, I feel at home in my body, connected to my heart and my gifts. I am in love with life and myself.

It is a great privilege to have this perspective and to be at peace with the ebbs and flow of the human experience. Arriving here was not an easy journey.

For much of my adult life, I’ve felt lost— adrift in this chaotic world without a sense of purpose. Stumbling through life while trying to find myself— many times, in all the wrong places.

Fortunately, there is a framework that has helped me understand the inevitable ups and downs of the human experience. That periods of darkness, lostness, and rebellion are necessary phases if one is to truly find themselves and know their place in this world. This framework supported me during the darkest time of my life, and it continues to support me as I unfold deeper and deeper into myself.

Today, I will tell you about this framework, how it came to me, and how you may find value in it, too. First, let’s go back in time.

A Call to Change Everything

Eight years ago, at age 27, I was pulled violently into the healing path. I felt utterly broken and lost, drifting from place to place, job to job, relationship to relationship. I was disoriented— inside and out.

For many years, I thought something was wrong with me. Something was fundamentally broken, and I was incapable of thriving in this world—despite having higher education, access to resources, and many of the belongings our society claims a person needs to be fulfilled. None of that truly mattered.

Clinically, I was diagnosed with depression. What was actually happening was something more profound. The depressive symptoms were simply pointers to a deeper transformation taking place.

My dark night of the soul lasted about five years. It was during this time that I looked inward for the first time. I found darkness, pain, and longing. I also found—or rather, felt—an inner presence that quietly called to me saying, “This way.”

On some level, I knew I was walking my correct path. Despite the difficulty and confusion, a part of me felt the necessity of this process. Change was happening rapidly. I was undergoing a metamorphosis that I was vastly unprepared for— but that I was surrendered to all the same.

As my consciousness changed, my entire life reconfigured to focus on this process. My friendships changed, I sobered up, and I became passionate about trauma healing and spiritual growth work. I took responsibility for my life and well-being for the first time.

During the peak of this process, my now-husband and I lived in Puerto Escondido, Mexico— waiting out the pandemic and living a laid-back lifestyle. With more time and space available to me and being unplugged from the daily stresses and programming of the United States, I was able to give myself fully to this inner deconstruction process.

Still navigating it mostly alone, I wanted an explanation for what was happening. I wanted a map that could illuminate where this process was taking me. Afraid I may be in this darkness forever, I needed a lifeline to hold onto.

My desire was met in one of the most creative moments of my life.

The Flash of Inspiration

One day in 2020, in the middle of this intense period of self-discovery, I sat down to journal, hoping to make sense of everything swirling inside me. What came through was the map that I desperately needed and that I’m sharing with you today— four years later.

Coming from someplace beyond my normal consciousness, a framework emerged—“Caged, Feral, Wild.” I wrote for 45 minutes without stopping, barely aware of what I was putting down on paper. When I looked back at the words, I realized I had captured something that felt like truth. My body felt electrified. My psyche felt at peace.

Unlike other writing or creative ideas, this framework came through me. I did not think about it over a period of time or gradually piece it together. It arrived in one full chunk of clear information. The version I’m sharing with you today is 90% the same as that first writing session.

And it was clear, this framework wasn’t just for me—it was a map of the human journey, a way of understanding how we move from feeling trapped and conditioned, through a messy, raw stage of breaking free (the phase that I was in), and finally, into a state of true, authentic living and purpose.

As I read it back, a wave of relief moved through me. For the first time, I had a way to see where I was on this journey and to understand the stages I had been moving through. My darkness and pain all made sense within this map. It also gave me a horizon to look toward.

This framework, in a way, was the lifeline I’d been hoping for.

Since sharing it in a few places, including X and a podcast interview on Gender Alchemy, I’ve heard from a handful of beautiful humans saying how impactful and clarifying the framework was for them. After receiving validation and encouragement from one of these people, I’m finally sharing it more broadly.

Caged, Feral, Wild has been a guiding light for me and for a handful of others. It’s a way to understand where we are in our life’s journey, discover compassion and clarity for the stage we’re in, and see a path forward. It is also a tool to find greater peace, compassion and forgiveness for others— including other individuals as well as the whole of humanity.

I’ve been calling it a “psycho-spiritual-emotional development framework for human maturation.” Ultimately, it’s a map of evolution— personal and collective.

No matter what you call it, think of it as the adventure of a lifetime.

How to Engage with the Map

The map is made up of three primary features: Stages, Sub-Stages, and Trails. Each offers a unique way to understand where we are and how we move forward.

Stages
The Stages—Caged, Feral, and Wild—represent broad phases of human growth and development. Each stage reflects a distinct level of awareness, autonomy, and relationship with ourselves and the world. Moving from one stage to the next often involves deep personal work, reflection, and growth. These stages are the main anchor points on the map, helping us understand the overarching journey of moving from conditioned limitations to authentic living. We most likely live years, if not decades, in each stage.
Sub-Stages
Within each Stage are nuanced Sub-Stages that provide a closer look at our experience in that phase. They give us insight into the gradual shifts we undergo within each main stage, allowing for a more compassionate understanding of our journey.
Trails
The Trails are the transitional pathways between stages and substages. These trails represent the moments, experiences, or inner shifts that propel us forward. Each Trail has its lessons and challenges, marking a time of change, growth, and transformation. Think of the Trails as the connective tissue that moves us from one stage to another, helping us cross key thresholds in our development.

I’d also like to preface the material with some general guidelines on this map. Here’s how I suggest you approach it:

The Map Is Not the Territory
Like all models, this framework oversimplifies a much more complex human experience. Use it as a guide, but know that your journey is nuanced, and no map can capture it entirely.
Self-Reflection Across Life Areas
You might try to identify where you are generally across your entire life first, and then zoom into particular areas of life— such as relationships, service/purpose, finances, creativity, health, etc. It’s entirely possible, and very likely that different parts of you are in different stages.
Growth Is Spiralic, Not Linear
Although this map offers a linear, phase-by-phase process, the experience of it is more like a spiral. We often revisit stages we thought we’d moved past, each time finding deeper layers of growth. The more we move ‘up’ the spiral and revisit stages, the more comfortable we’ll be with them and the more tools, resources and perspectives we’ll have gathered to navigate them. In short, it gets easier with time.
There is an Organic Pacing and Unfolding
It may be tempting to look at this map and decide you want to rush to the last stage of it (Wild for Others). This will probably result in messiness and disorientation. Each stage has essential lessons to teach, and each phase is necessary. Seeing the whole map is helpful to give you perspective, compassion and a horizon to look toward— however, it also requires patience and a commitment to be exactly where you are right now.
Compassion over Labels
This isn’t about labeling yourself or others. It’s a tool for self-awareness and understanding, helping you recognize why you might feel the way you do. Think of it as a context for your experiences, not a rigid box.
A Framework Among Many
This framework is part of a lineage of maps, like the Hero’s Journey, Bill Plotkin’s “Journey of Soul Initiation,” or Ken Wilber’s “Grow up, Clean up, Wake up, Show up.” Each points to universal stages of human growth, often saying the same thing in different ways. There are benefits and shortcomings to every framework and map that tries to encapsulate the human experience. Maybe this one will resonate with you, and maybe it won’t. For those who do see themselves in it right away, I invite you to stay with it for some time. And if it doesn’t land for you, then just walk away.
It’s A Work-in-Progress
As mentioned, this framework came through me in one rapid writing session. I’ve since done a little tweaking and iteration, but not much. Now that it’s published in a wider way, I anticipate new insights and changes will arise. So please see everything I offer here as an imperfect work-in-progress. Don’t take any of it as fundamental Truth. Have discernment for yourself whether this is actually supportive for you.

Caged, Feral, Wild

Now that we’ve set the context let’s dive into the stages of “Caged, Feral, Wild.” This framework lays out a map of human development—a journey from constraint and conditioning through a period of messy, raw exploration and eventually into a state of authenticity, embodied freedom and service to the world. These stages capture phases that many of us go through as we grow, heal, and come home to ourselves.

Wild Instinctual

We all begin life as creatures of pure, innocent authenticity. This is our original, instinctual state—a time when we live fully immersed in oneness without judgment, programming, or separation. As babies, we are completely in tune with our needs, expressing them freely and instinctively. But as we grow and experience life, conditioning inevitably shapes us, pulling us away from this natural state of being.

Caged

The Caged stage represents the phases of conditioning. It’s where we internalize societal expectations, family beliefs, and limiting stories about ourselves and the world. In this stage, we live within invisible boundaries, often unaware of their presence. The Caged stage has two layers:

Caged Unaware

Traits: Stuck, disempowered, victim mindset, asleep to conditioning, unaware of limitations.

In the Caged Unaware phase, we live within the boundaries imposed by society, family, or our internalized beliefs—yet we don’t even realize it. Life feels constricted and repetitive, but we accept it as “just the way things are.” In this phase, we often feel stuck or victimized by circumstances, but we aren’t aware of the underlying forces shaping our choices and experiences.

It’s a state of unconscious living, where patterns and routines define us, and self-reflection is limited. We may even believe that our feelings of limitation and disempowerment are simply part of life, or we might try to numb ourselves to them. The idea of “something more” feels distant, if it exists at all.

Common Thoughts & Statements for Caged Unaware

“This is just how life is.”
“Why do things always happen to me?”
“No matter what I do, nothing ever changes.”
“I don’t have a choice; this is just how it has to be.”
“People don’t understand what it’s like to be me.”

Trail of Awareness

Traits: Observant, awakening, beginning to question, identifying individuality.

Small glimpses of freedom begin to appear. We may notice a subtle discomfort or restlessness, sensing that there’s more to life than what we’ve known. We notice other people who appear to be living more freely and enjoyably than we are; we start to desire what they have. This awareness is the first step toward breaking free.

Caged Aware

Traits: Frustrated, conscious of limitations, feeling trapped, questioning, resentful.

In Caged Aware, we begin to see the cage for what it is, becoming conscious of the conditioning that restricts us. The walls around us come into focus, and with that awareness, a growing frustration often follows.

We may start questioning the rules we’ve followed, the roles we play, or the beliefs that have shaped us. This awareness can feel liberating, but it can also bring resentment and even anger as we realize the extent to which we’ve been living by others’ expectations. We yearn for more freedom but may feel uncertain or afraid to step outside the boundaries. It’s a challenging stage where we sense the possibility of change yet feel trapped by the comfort or safety of the familiar.

Common Thoughts & Statements for Caged Aware

“There’s something wrong with this, but I’m not sure what.”
“Why am I stuck here while others seem so free?”
“I can’t keep living like this, but I don’t know how to change.”
“I’m angry and frustrated, like I’m trapped in a box.”
“There has to be more to life than this.”

Trail of Rebellion

Traits: Defiant, angry, boundary-testing, rejecting norms, reactive.

The awareness of being caged often leads to rebellion. We might push back against these limitations, sometimes forcefully, demanding change. But at this stage, our rebellion is often fueled by anger or frustration, stemming from a place of hurt rather than true empowerment. We are resistant to something and want to push away from it (versus moving toward something more generative).

Many of us walk this trail (at least for the first significant time) when we are teenagers. For me, my trail of rebellion included alcohol, drugs, and other forms of recklessness that helped me push away from my family and “good girl” conditioning.

Feral

The Feral stage is a time of messy, raw exploration. Here, we begin breaking away from old beliefs and structures, diving into self-discovery with an urgency to redefine who we are. This stage is about questioning everything and beginning to reclaim our true selves.

Feral Unconscious

Traits: Rebellious, reactive, angry, defensive, struggling for identity, righteous, vindictive.

In this phase, we’re breaking free from old patterns and conditioning, but often in a chaotic, ungrounded way. Our actions are fueled by anger, frustration, and a fierce desire to assert ourselves—yet we’re not fully clear on what we’re moving toward. This stage is like throwing up a middle finger at the life we’re leaving behind, wanting to burn down everything that represents confinement and limitation.

People can get stuck here for a long time, channeling that raw “fuck you” energy into a hardened identity. When rebellion becomes a lifestyle, it can feel empowering to someone still holding onto a sense of victimhood. Here, the act of pushing against is often mistaken for personal power. While this phase is necessary, it’s easy to turn reactive defiance into a permanent state, mistaking it for freedom, when in reality, it’s still deeply rooted in the pain of the past.

Common Thoughts & Statements

“Screw this! I’m done with these rules.”
“I’m going to do things my way, whether people like it or not.”
“Why do people keep trying to tell me who I am or what I should do?”
“I don’t need anyone else’s approval.”
“I’m tired of being told what’s right or wrong—I’ll figure it out myself.”

Trail of Humility

Traits: Humble, open, ego-shedding, recognizing interconnectedness, willing to learn.

Moving forward requires humility. This phase asks us to confront our ego, to soften, and to realize there’s more to learn. We are usually humbled by some big event or series of events where we realize our attitude and behaviors impact others. As we begin to recognize our place within a larger whole, we start to see ourselves with new eyes. We begin to leave victimhood by taking responsibility for ourselves and our actions.

Feral Conscious

Traits: Self-aware, committed to growth, taking responsibility, healing-oriented, forgiving, seeking wholeness, open to learning, beginning to find purpose.

In this phase, we start seeing our journey as one of healing and personal growth, not just breaking free. After moments of humbling, we gain self-awareness and realize that real transformation requires commitment and intentionality. We’re drawn to practices and tools—therapy, meditation, self-reflection—that help us understand ourselves on a deeper level. This is where we move beyond blame, taking responsibility for our actions and choices and actively working to heal old wounds.

Unlike the reactive rebellion of Feral Unconscious, our energy here is focused and open to learning. We’re transitioning from reactive energy to the energy of moving toward something.

I believe many people in the personal development world are primarily here. This is where we roll up our sleeves and “do the work” on ourselves. Most likely, we are here for 5-10 years, if not longer.

Common Thoughts & Statements

“I know this is a journey, and I’m committed to figuring it out.”
“I’m starting to see that I have to take responsibility for my choices.”
“Healing isn’t easy, but I know I need this.”
“I’m learning to be okay with who I really am.”
“I’m beginning to feel a sense of purpose and direction.”

Trail of Embodiment

Traits: Integrated, committed, grounded, applying growth to daily life, embodying learning.

As we continue this path, we start integrating our healing work into daily life. We’re no longer just “learning” about ourselves; we’re actively embodying what we’ve discovered, creating a more aligned and connected sense of self.

In this trail, we integrate our self-discovery work into everyday life. This is about walking our talk, bringing what we’ve learned into our body, mind, and spirit to create a sense of inner alignment.

Wild

The Wild stage is where we reconnect with our authentic selves, living from a place of alignment and purpose. Here, we have shed the confines of conditioning and are in touch with who we truly are. Wild has two aspects:

Wild for Self

Traits: Authentic, aligned, self-loving, purpose-driven, evolving, seeking self-fulfillment.

In this exciting phase, we begin to embody a grounded sense of who we are. We feel deeply connected to our own growth, taking responsibility not from a place of obligation but from a place of love and alignment. Here, we live more fully from our heart, body, and spirit, embracing our gifts and values as guides for how we show up in the world. There’s a natural flow in how we make choices, as they come from our own truth rather than external expectations.

This phase is marked by a sense of purpose that feels personal and meaningful. We’re no longer searching outside ourselves for validation; instead, we’re focused on becoming the best, truest version of who we are. There’s a deep self-acceptance in Wild for Self, as we embrace our strengths and limitations, knowing that our journey is one of continued evolution. In this phase, life feels aligned and authentic, and we seek experiences and expressions that nourish our sense of self.

Common Thoughts & Statements

“I feel at home in myself and am starting to trust my own path.”
“I don’t need to be anything other than who I am.”
“I know my strengths and gifts, and I’m excited to share them.”
“I love the person I’ve become and am becoming.”
“Life feels aligned, and I’m following what truly matters to me.”

Trail of Leadership

Traits: Inspiring, purposeful, service-oriented, acting with integrity, guided by values.

As we root into our authentic selves, we feel a pull to lead, to contribute, and to use our gifts meaningfully. This stage invites us to recognize our interconnectedness with others and the world, moving beyond personal fulfillment to include service.

Wild for Other

Traits: Purposeful, service-oriented, connected, contributing, expansive, compassionate.

In this culminating phase, our focus shifts from self-fulfillment to a sense of interconnected purpose. We no longer see our journey as just for us; we’re drawn to use our growth and gifts in service of something greater. This stage is about contributing meaningfully to our relationships, communities, or even the world at large. Our purpose feels expansive as we move beyond personal goals and embrace a vision that includes the well-being of others.

This phase is marked by a deep sense of compassion and responsibility. We feel connected to the larger web of life and are motivated by a desire to make a positive impact. Here, service becomes a natural expression of who we are as we dedicate our energy, skills, and healing to the greater good. In Wild for Other, we understand that our personal journey is ultimately inseparable from the collective, and we find fulfillment in helping uplift and inspire those around us.

Embracing the Journey

The "Caged, Feral, Wild" framework serves as a guide for understanding our own journey, with all its cycles, challenges, and breakthroughs. Each of us moves through these stages at our own pace, and we may find ourselves revisiting parts of this map as we grow, heal, and evolve. What matters most is not how quickly we move through each stage but how fully we engage with the lessons each one offers. This journey is as much about depth as it is about progression.

Wherever you find yourself on this map, know that your path is valid and that each phase holds valuable insights and growth. May this framework offer you clarity, compassion, and a sense of companionship on your journey. And remember, we’re all on this path of becoming—together. Embrace each stage for what it offers, and trust that each step brings you closer to your truest, most authentic self.

In closing, I want to thank the handful of humans who have taken the time to reach out to me directly in response to this framework. Without your reflections, I may have withheld this for another few years. This reminds me just how important it is for us to share our creative gifts with the world. We never know who might be helped and uplifted by doing so 🙏✨

May you know that you are a profoundly creative being with my gifts to share.

Warmly & wildly,

~ Kelly

Authentic Power: The Caged, Feral, Wild…